Burnt or Frozen
by sophiesix
Summary: Jai has moved to live with Jackson, breaking free from her past and resolved to start anew. But her past returns to haunt her. Jackson is determined to free her from it, but will it get him killed, or even stored?
1. Prologue

**Burnt or Frozen**

*****

_Jai has moved to live with Jackson, breaking free from her past and resolved to start anew. _

_But her past returns to haunt her._

_ Jackson is determined to free her from it, but will it get him killed, or even stored?_

_*_

I wrote this because I just liked Jai and Jackson together. But, Jai being the warped little chicken that she is, it's not exactly light reading. Have been wonder for weeks about whether to post it or not. In Lines of War, I kept Flame out of the action to try and avoid using war for entertainment, and here I've got similar misgivings about using abuse in a similar light. On the other hand, the Soul-free zone society is ruled by the strongest, so it seems reasonable to me that abuse, especially sexual abuse, would be fairly widespread. Hum, anyway, I've decided to post it because I can't make my writing of the issues any better otherwise.

So, just warning youse in advance, this is M for a reason. Have rewritten the first two chapters so many times trying to get them to be effective but not too awful… don't know if I've got the balance right. Skip to chapter two if I haven't : )

Oh and yes; Flame, Alex, Bhask, and Dorsey are still in there eventually.

_**Warnings: intimate moment, language, violence, sexual violence.**_

* * *

**_Prologue_**

**_*_**

Jackson unlocked the door and Jai entered his apartment hungrily, eager with anticipation. She prowled through the all the rooms, looked at him, and then checked them again, frowning.

"You live here?" she said finally, uncertainly, glancing at the near empty rooms.

Jackson nodded.

"It's the same as the one in Sydney," she pressed, "That was _temporary_."

"Same person doing the decorating, I guess," he shrugged.

"But you _live_ here."

"Feel free to make it look more lived in, if you want."

But she hadn't touched a thing. It was not so much that she felt it was his place, rather than theirs, but that she'd never thought she would ever have a place of her own, and didn't have the first idea of where to begin. She'd never thought about it, it had never seemed a possibility. She could, perhaps, copy a movie or a magazine, but it wouldn't be hers. Jackson was hers. What suited him would suit her. For the moment, anyway.

And life was just as he had said; no one bothered them. They could indeed watch any movie they wanted, holed up on the sofa like nothing else mattered. Because nothing else did.

Jai lay with her back relaxed against his chest on the sofa, watching the credits starting, the glow of the television creating a cosy cave of twilight, and his hand ever so casually slid down and came to a rest between her legs, warm and heavy. She had loved that he didn't paw at her, when they first got together, but now she found herself wanting his touch, encouraging him. Maybe she was getting lazy.

"Jackson, we're Watching a Movie," she warned, smiling. Funny how they never got to the end of most movies.

"I happen to want to watch this movie," she murmured. Silently, he drew his fingers along the inside of her thigh, just grazing her skin with his fingertips. Her chest filled with air, and she caught him watching her chest rise appreciatively. It amazed her how he seemed enjoyed her pleasure, drawing his own from that rather than directly from her body. As he traced light designs on her leg, she caught his free hand and held it tight to her chest, pressing him hard to her breast, dizzy with bliss. He made no move to progress matters, continuing to caress her lightly, and finally she turned to him, bracing her legs around his, and he lost the capacity to think and could only crush her hips to his, find that angle where everything was perfect, and give himself up to desire.

His limbs were still leaden when he felt her stirring, drawing away from him and hunting about for the remote. He was about to wrap her up so she would have to lie still when she cried out happily.

"You paused it! You fucking legend." And she relaxed blissfully on his chest, watching the screen with the contentment of a pig in mud.


	2. Chapter 1

1.

Jai took the bus most days. It was free, of course, and no one seemed to mind that she didn't actually go anwhere. She wasn't taking it to go anywhere in particular; she took it to watch the world go by, explore the city (so much faster than walking!), and especially to listen to people talk, to learn about life here. She sat in front of some girls on their way to school for several days in a row and was almost up to the point of saying hello to them, when she overheard them discussing a movie where a girl had had sex for money. Money was before Jai's time, but she knew you exchanged it for food and shelter. She couldn't see anything wrong with that; it was survival. It was normal. It was smart. But the other girls were horrified, and _pitied_ the girl in the movie, and Jai knew she could never talk to them. She worried about it for a while, but concluded that Jackson wasn't horrified by her, or pity her, and that was all that mattered.

***

Jackson watched her sleep, wandering how on earth this had happened. He had the most perfect bag of bones sleeping next to him, hardly more than a kid, and she'd been there for months now. And not only did this not bother him, he actually liked it that way. Wanted it that way. And so did she.

He knew her past was checkered, but he didn't care what she had done and he didn't want to know what had been done to her. His stomach twisted just thinking of the possibilities. Like their love-making, he was content to keep their relationship to full enjoyment of the present and blissful anticipation of the future.

But the past could not be so easily ignored.

***

Jai was riding the bus randomly, as usual, thinking. She had walked out the door that morning and was surprised to find the wind a gale. There was no wind, of course, in the apartment, but you couldn't even hear it there. She wasn't used to being surprised by the weather. She was used to having country laid out around you, so you could see the weather coming for miles, building up gradually over days or hours, feeling the changes in temperature, each morning a little cooler or warmer as the seasons changed, the oppressive heat then sudden cool when a storm front came in. Here, there were was none of that. She lived in isolation.

Jackson didn't seem to think twice about it. He had his apartment and car and office regulated to keep him in a constant environment, so the weather was really irrelevant to him. He made his own world. No wind ever touched him.

She glanced at the time. Jackson would be home soon. She switched buses to the route home.

She was tidying up the lounge when she saw the shadow under the front door. She ran to open it. But Chet pushed the door open before she'd even opened it enough to see who it was, and the edge of the door hit her face and forced her to the wall.

"Sleeping with a Seeker now, is it?" he hissed, pushing the door shut with his foot and leaning a hand on either side of her head. "Fucking whore." Her head spun with the blow and the blast from the past – _Chet couldn't be here_ – but he was all too real and she tried to concentrate on staying still. She knew he wasn't really angry, probably just vaguely offended, but Chet was frightening enough when plain old happy.

She didn't know where her words came from.

"Leave me alone Chet," she'd muttered, both fear and defiance in her voice, though she tried too late to keep it steady and even.

"Changed your tune, haven't you, little bitch, since last time we met?" Forcing his leg between hers, he grabbed her wrists, one in each hand, and held them up by her head, but she twisted them free. He simply caught them again and put them back, silently, confidently, knowing she'd never escape him, and leaned in to taste her. But she twisted her head out of the way. Her breath rose in shaky gasps, but she tried to stay calm. She knew how Chet wanted her to react, and she mustn't do it. He swore at her and shook her sharply, smiling. He was enjoying her fight. He transferred both her wrists to one hand, slapping them back against the wall, and held her jaw tight with the other. Trapped so tight in his grip, her determination to be calm fled. She pulled her face out of his grasp, straining her wrists free of his grip, biting her cheek to stop herself whimpering. Now, he was getting aggravated, and picked her up and dropped her on the ground so she was winded. She dragged at the air, trying to fill her stiff lungs. He knelt his knees on her hands while he ripped open her fly. She tried desperately to find her distant, icy place, and lie still, which she knew was the only way Chet would get bored and go away. But she couldn't find it, and she couldn't lie still. She had become too used to better treatment, to _expect _it. It isn't fair, her body screamed. _Since when had fair got anything to do with it, _she wondered, fighting the urge to struggle and failing in regular bouts. She was exciting him by struggling, she knew, and that's when it could get dangerous. And the more she panicked, the harder it was to keep still.

But then the weight of his knees stopped crushing her fingers, and she saw Jackson's fist reaching back for another swing. She shut her eyes and pulled up her shorts. She slid back til her back hit couch, then wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged herself hard, keeping her wrists angled away to let the pain seep out her hands. Even now, even _now_, she couldn't shake the panic, slow her breathing. She concentrated hard, forcing herself still. Still. She must be still.

"Nut?" It was Jackson. She felt him squatting in front of her. "Are you okay?" She heard the world coming into focus, becoming real, as if she'd been somewhere else.

She nodded, eyes still tightly closed. She could tell he didn't believe her. His silence stretched, but she hardly noticed.

"Can you walk?"

She nodded again.

"Let's get you to a Healer."

She didn't move.

"Nut?"

She opened her eyes and shook her head. She could see Chet's legs behind him, motionless on the floor.

"Come on, let's go," Jackson said softly, his arms reaching for her. His hands were smeared with blood.

"No," she whispered, her voice froze him.

"Jai?"

She knew it was serious when he used her real name.

She shook her head. "I just don't want to go."

He looked at her, his eyes filled with worry.

"Nutty…?"

She couldn't deal with affection right now. Taking a deep breath, she stood up, having found her icy place.

"What do you want for dinner," she said, almost tonelessly, walking to the kitchen.

He stared at her, and she pulled some vegetables out of the fridge and chopped them mercilessly.

"Stir fry?" she offered, still chopping away.

"Nutty…"

"Casserole?"

She slammed down the knife and almost ran to the bedroom. He didn't try to stop her, or hold the door back from banging shut, or call to her from behind the wood. He left her in her icy place, and she was grateful. She sank thankfully into it, and floated away from the burn.


	3. Chapter 2

**2.**

She woke to the feel of his fingers stroking her forehead. She wasn't sure if she had really been asleep, or just somewhere else, but it seemed like waking, to focus on him.

Jackson had brought her dinner, vegetarian lasagna. He'd even used her chopped vegetables. She looked at him as if from a sinking ship.

"I thought it would be different here," she murmured.

"It is different here," he replied gently. Gentler even than his normal gentle voice. It was unnerving.

"Doesn't feel very different," she said.

His eyes sank, slowly, miserably.

"Maybe some of it does," she conceded softly. Her happiness was so important to him. It had never been important to anyone before. Such an airy fairy thing, happiness. A luxury few could afford when survival was at stake. Hell, no one had even particularly cared if she suffered, before. She herself had got into the habit of not caring. She'd been good at it. What had happened?

"Let me take you to the Healers," Jackson said, his voice firm.

"No."

His forehead frowned, not used to being obstructed.

"Do you know what they would do?" she went on, her voice growing hard. Jackson had to admit to being ignorant of that particular aspect of protocol. His role usually only went as far as delivering the victims to the healing centre within a certain time limit, and then hunting down the perpetrators.

"Fucking rape me again with their fucking metal pricks. For what? We don't need samples. We know who did it" she buried her head in her arms, "I thought it would be different here." _I believed it would be… why did I think that_? She couldn't remember. Life was life, it didn't matter where you were.

"It is different here. He's not going to hurt you again," Jackson insisted, trying to find her eyes, "He's… dead."

"Dead?" She looked up at him, searching for conformation. Jackson nodded, looking slightly green. She wondered if it was the first time he'd killed someone with his own hands. She wondered if she ought to comfort him.

"What about your face," he said gently.

"What about my fucking face," she muttered.

He touched her lip lightly and she flinched, realising it was tight with swelling.

_The door_, she remembered, _it hit me_. Her hand slid down her chest and felt the blood dried in the pattern where Chet had sucked it off her.

She pushed past him and headed for the shower.

The water stung the cut on her lip. She didn't know whether it was easier alone or when Jackson was with her. She didn't know anything anymore. She wandered if she'd feel better if Chet had finished. At least something would have been accomplished. A sense of accomplishment was supposed to feel good. But that small part of her that Jackson had domesticated was actually _proud _that she'd resisted. Jackson had changed her. Made her soft. She needed to toughen up. She tore herself out of the shower and caught sight of the split lip in the mirror as she was drying herself. Damn, but that _would _have to go the Healers, she sighed.

***

Jackson took her to the main hospital reception, where he was known, and it was quiet. They got a room straight away. Jai sat on the side of the gurney and swung her legs, humming and staring through a poster. Jackson wanted to tell her to stop it, but didn't dare tell her to do anything. Maybe it only looked strange to him.

But she stopped humming and swinging her legs when the Healer walked in anyway. It was a human Healer, and she stared. She'd never seen one in a mixed city before.

The Healer frowned as soon as he saw her face.

"Quite a nasty cut you've got there," he murmured, examining her face gently, but she said nothing, sitting motionless, enduring his touch. Jackson wanted to rip his hands off her.

"How did this happen?"

"I hit my head on the door," Jai said, then realized it sounded strange, "It opened suddenly."

"Did your fists hit the door too?" the Healer asked Jackson dryly. _Bloody human Healers_. He'd forgotten about his knuckles.

"I'd like to talk to Nut alone please," the doctor said crisply.

Jai looked at the floor. Jackson waited for her to ask him to stay, and she didn't. He walked out. And walked straight back in a minute later when he heard Jai shout "No!"

He stood right by her side and glared at the Healer.

"Tell him he can't," Jai hissed.

"Can't what?" Jackson asked tightly, cursing himself for leaving her.

"I'd like to examine her," the Healer said calmly.

"She doesn't want to be examined. She has the right to refuse medical care and she is refusing medical care."

"Except my lip," she whispered.

"Just fix the lip," Jackson allowed.

The Healer didn't look happy about it, but he did it, and Jackson almost hauled her out of the building.

***

He watched her sleeping, wishing desperately he could erase her past, knowing that they would have to find a way to live with it somehow. Well, not with Chet, anyway. He began to convince himself that by ending Chet, he had brought an end to this. _A clean break,_ he thought. _Well, maybe not so clean… _He turned onto his back and wiped a hand over his face. _The body…_

His mobile vibrated on the bedside table and he took the call in the kitchen so as not to wake her.

"Got a witness at the Healing Centre reporting an assault," Dispatch said.

"Fuck," he sighed. Tonight of all nights.

"…Jackson? …You want me to wake Beebe?"

"No, no I'll deal." It was his last night. Beebe had the next week. Let Beebe enjoy his last night of freedom. Jai was asleep anyway.

He snuck back into the bedroom but her eyes followed him. _Damn_.

"I've got a witness report to take. I'll be twenty minutes, ok? You want me to call someone?" He had no idea who to call. She didn't have any real friends here yet.

"No," she whispered, and closed her eyes. He left, feeling like shit. _This had better be some almighty assault_, he thought grimly.

He went straight to Emergency, but no one had reported an assault. He called dispatch.

"No, he didn't call from Emergency, he called from the main part."

Jackson walked through to the main part with a sinking feeling, that hit bottom when he saw the human Healer waiting for him. The Healer looked equally dismayed.

"Seeker Jackson," he said stiffly, showing his ID, "you wanted to report an assault?"

The Healer examined his ID, stalling. "How about we go to my office," he said eventually.

***

"Where is she?" the Healer asked, shutting the office door carefully.

"At home," Jackson replied. Like he should be, with her, if it wasn't for this stupid twat.

"Did you hit her?" How was it that a Healer got to ask questions of a Seeker?

"Use your brain. Her lip was cut, not punched."

"Maybe you punched her elsewhere. I wouldn't know, because you wouldn't let me examine her."

"She didn't want to be examined! She didn't want you to touch her because…" He sighed, but could see no way around it. "Because she was raped."

"By who?"

_By the body in my bathtub_.

"I don't know. It was dark. He just ran up and grabbed her and I ran over and punched him and he ran away. It was in the park."

"The park."

"Yeah." He must remember to go home via the park, scuff it up, get some grass to stain her clothes…

"There was a door in the park," the Healer said dryly.

"Alright, so that was me. I was mad and I opened the door too quick and it hit her." _Fucking hell this guy should be a Seeker_. "She wanted to go home, I took her home, we got cleaned up, then I made her come here. But she'd only come for the lip."

"I assume you want the DNA evidence? To catch this guy? That ran away?"

"I'm not going to force her to do it if she doesn't want to." Jackson made himself very clear. "She doesn't want to."

The Healer didn't look fazed in the slightest. "I want to see her tomorrow. Alone."

Jackson was already shaking his head.

"Without you then," the Healer amended. "If not, I'm going to report it."

Jackson ground his teeth. He supposed it was the best he could expect. He nodded curtly.

"Do you want me to take a look at those knuckles while you're here?" the Healer asked.

"How long will it take?"

"Five minutes."

She would be asleep already... what was five more minutes, if it would keep the Healer onside? He held out his hands.

***

When he got home, he went to wash his hands and froze, then whipped around and stared at the bath tub. Empty. Bloody, but empty. He quietly checked the entire apartment, every single place a human body could possibly hide, then locked the doors and loaded a clip into his Glock. But Jai was awake, watching him. He'd just lie down for a second, til she went back to sleep, then he'd go look for him. He couldn't have gotten far.

But when his phone woke him, it was dawn.

"Found a body." Montgomery's voice.

"Alright, give me the address," Jackson said automatically.

"Already picked it up, actually."

"What are you bothering me about it for then?"

"Skull reconstruction says it's Chet Diaz. Though you could debate that, the skull was a mess."

Jackson said nothing.

"Had some photos on him," Montgomery went on. "Sort of surveillance looking. Looks very much like your Nut."

Still he said nothing.

"Is she in?" Montgomery asked.

"Yes." Jackson's gaze lingered on her still form beneath the covers.

"Do you think you could bring her down?"

"See you there in 5," he muttered.

"Great. And Jackson?"

"What."

"No one is saying anyone has done anything wrong here."

"Sure. See you in 5."

***

Beebe and Montgomery listened silently while Jai described how Chet had attacked her, and she bit him, and he jerked back and hit his head on the table, and then she hit him so he wouldn't touch her, and kept hitting him til she realized he hadn't moved in a while.

She glanced at Jackson, looking for appreciation, approval, but saw only anger. Montgomery took him outside and even his movements were angry as he left.

"Is that what happened?" Montgomery asked quietly.

"Hell no, that's not what happened! I come home and find him fucking almost raping her and _I _hit him and _I_ kept hitting him til I figured out he hadn't moved in a while," Jackson hissed.

"What do you mean 'almost raped'?"

"I… I don't know how far he got. She won't talk about it."

"You take her to the Healing centre? They get a sample?"

"She wouldn't go," Jackson whispered, then shook his head. His head was cloudied with anger. "No, eventually she went to fix her face. The fucking Healer thought I'd done it."

"No sample then."

"No."

Montgomery leaned back, thinking. "Ok, well I've got two stories here. Hers is a neat story of self defence that doesn't even need a hearing and lets us go home tonight. Your alleged version is filled with holes, and will keep us here for days."

Jackson stared at him hard. "You're not going to believe her? She's lying!"

"Jackson, think about this. If you don't corroborate her statement we're at a bit of an impasse here. Means more digging."

"So dig."

"Jackson… it means a full physical for her."

"Fine. Fine!" he said, furious, "Her version!"


	4. Chapter 3

**3.**

Jai didn't talk on the way home, and still hadn't said anything an hour after getting home. She sat on the sofa for a while, but her eyes kept glancing at the door. She moved to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. She wished Maddy was here.

She remembered first seeing Maddy at the laundry rocks, crying and trying to wash the drips of blood out of her clothes. Jai thought it was strange in a girl that was a little older than her, and was intrigued.

"It's alright," Jai said, sitting next to her, "You'll get used to it. What's your name?"

"Maddy,' she whispered, "and I never get used to it."

Jai knew straight away Chet would adore her. For all the wrong reasons.

"Jai," she said, smiling. She loved being able to use her own name. "Is Maddy your real name?"

"Short form, I guess."

"For mad as a hatter? Mad as a cut snake?"

"Madison."

"I like mad as a hatter better."

"That's because you're crazy."

"Takes one to know one."

They grinned at each other.

"You are a nutter."Jai said affectionately as Mrs Banks called for her. Jai scowled.

"Who's Melissa?" Maddy asked, listening to the woman call.

"Melissa's the name they gave me for school," Jai said, frowning, jamming a stick into the soft ground beside the rock she was sitting on. "Jai wasn't appropriate."

"You've been to school?"

Jai glanced at her. "Sure. Everyone has to go. Well, maybe it was different where you're from."

Maddy thought about this for a while, interested. "What did you learn?"

"Oh, everything. Loading and unloading clips, safeties, ammunition care, det cord maintenance."

Maddy stared at her. "You mean guns, don't you?"

Jai laughed happily at her look, then Mrs Banks called again. "I gotta go. See ya."

The next time they met, it was Jai who was looking for something to distract her. She had made Chet mad at her, and her ear still rang from his fist, trapping his words in the reverberation.

"I'm not finished, bitch," he said over and over inside the ringing, and Jai needed desperately to box to the whole afternoon away. Failing that, push it to one side with something else. She went looking for Maddy and found her up a tree, wonderfully high.

"How did you end up here?" Jai asked her, climbing up as close as she dared. The branch might be strong enough for one but two together would definitely break it, "You following family?" Jai couldn't believe this slip of a girl had ever done anything exile worthy. But she'd been surprised before. If you pushed anyone enough, they could do anything.

"I haven't got relatives," Maddy had replied with the quietness of one for whom that still feels recent. Her eyes were closed and she was feeling the breeze on her face like it was a godsend.

"Me neither," Jai said quickly, pleased to have something in common, "Let's be cousins." They'd sealed it with blood, so it was proper and all.

And Jai had done her best to keep her away from Chet, but it was like they were destined to meet; Maddy was Chet's idea of the perfect girl. And so when Maddy moved into Chet's place, Jai felt only marginally guilty.

With Chet, she had always been afraid, but she had learnt to cover her fear, as a matter of survival. She didn't know how Maddy survived; Maddy couldn't cover her fear for any money. Maybe that's why Chet kept her so long. He knew she was fragile, and he played just on that edge, plying her with love and fear, controlling himself, so he could enjoy her for longer.

Jai had never been kept for longer. She was not pretty like Maddy was, and felt that this saved her from a lot of attention. So she kept herself purposefully thin and her hair shaggy and short. If she wanted attention she knew how to get it. She found she had never wanted it from the same source for long. So it was a thing of wonder to her that Jackson was still interested in her, and that his interest had not twisted into a need to hurt or humiliate her. He seemed content to just be with her, something she found nothing less than miraculous. Her wonder at him never ceased.

-

When she had moved into the bedroom, Jackson had called Flame. He didn't know who else to call.

Flame was not the right choice. She was awkward, hesitant, and Jai could hear her thinking _Filthy slut_ just like she had ever since they first met. Even Flame could see Jai was getting worse with her around. Now she sat on the pillows with her arms hugging her knees, and was barely responsive.

"I'm getting Margie," Flame said, almost running for the door in relief.

"She doesn't even know Margie!" Jackson shouted after her in despair. Flame closed her ears. _Margie can fix anything_, she thought.

And sure enough, Margie came straight in and sat next to Jai on the bed, hugging her firmly but gently like she was a human being, taking no notice of her stiffness, and eventually, Jai began to move again, first relaxing her grip on her legs, then leaning back onto the headboard, and finally leaning into Margie.

"I'm rotten inside. I'm falling apart," she whispered. Margie said nothing, but held her. "You know what happened?"

Margie nodded into her head.

"It's not the first time, is it," Margie said quietly.

Jai laughed. What a funny idea. "No. But it's different. I can't put it away… all my little boxes… all my little boxes are falling apart."

"Let them."

But Jai shook her head.

"I can't live without them," she whispered, "I don't know how." Anything bad that had ever happened to her, she had sealed away into a pretty wooden box in her mind, stacking it neatly with all the other little boxes, and had carried on being Jai. And now they were disintegrating, and their contents filling her body with their rotting, slipping contents.

"I don't know how to live here," Jai whispered. "I don't know what normal is anymore. I just walked into this life not even thinking, you know, just, just sort of living; but I don't know how to do it here."

The sound of Jackson's fists hitting Chet's body over and over haunted her waking dreams. It was not a sound she associated with Jackson. It was not a normal sound for here. It was a sound from before, from Melissa Brown's life. Not Nut Jackson's. It was a sound from girl packs. And later, men. These intrusions into her new life confused her. _I made a clean break_, she insisted to herself, _it's different here_. She couldn't even convince herself.


	5. Chapter 4

**4.**

Jai stood in the kitchen washing her bowl and spoon slowly. Jackson had a dishwashing machine of course, but she liked to keep some things for herself. It made her feel useful, gave her a place in his perfect world. There was otherwise not much for her to do. His life was already complete, it had no loose ends for her to patch onto. His apartment was clean, the shopping arrived automatically from a long standing order that he tweaked from work, he even cooked every night. He always had, and he saw no reason to change. She had proposed once, that _she_ cook once a week and his answer had been automatic.

"Nup."

"Just like that: no?" She had not expected such a perfunctory, unthinking response. She was slightly stunned. She'd spent the whole day looking up recipes on the web, matching ingredients to what was in the house, finding if the others were available through the store.

"No: You can't cook for shit," he'd replied easily, a simple fact, no unkindness behind it, and she didn't even know where to start arguing back.

But though she seemed to have no place in his flawless world, she knew he wanted her there. She felt she was tied to a buoy floating in a sea that stretched to the horizon: anchored, but nowhere.

After her sppon and bowl were washed, she set them in the draining rack carefully, ad watched tehm drip. Then she opened the windows wide. All of them. And felt the breeze on her face, stirring her thoughts with cool fingers, calming her like the wind in the trees. But when she turned to look at the empty apartment, she could feel Chet's ghost in everything: he was watching her.

So she went for a walk, and felt entirely alone amongst the dozens of Souls doing likewise, their silver eyes to her as empty as spoons. Alone, she was used to; she had searched it out like a treasure before. But lonely, she had never really been before. She realized she was looking for Jackson. But he was at work, and would be for hours yet. She stood at the bus stop while three busses passed, then decided. She would visit Margie.

Jai had seen Jackson use the screen in his apartment to order food or check things, but she had never ventured to use it for much more herself. She wondered how you would find someone's address, and clicked on likely buttons. Before she knew it, she was in the Seeker database, which was permanently linked to Jackson's home screen. _Well_, she thought, shrugging,_ this would work too_. Sure enough, Margie's address emerged foolishly easily. Jai memorized it and was about to turn the screen off when she started to wonder. _Seeker database_…

She searched for Jai Brown. Nothing. Melissa Brown. Nothing. Jai Jackson, Nut Brown; nothing. Finally under Nut Jackson was a lone entry logging a dentist appointment. _He's wiped my past_, Jai thought in wonder, _all trace of me: gone_. _I really am just Nut Jackson_.

-

"Hi Nut. Pull up a pew. Chop these for me?" Margie was in the middle of doing three things at once, and looked like she always was. Jai slid onto a stool and obeyed with relief, happy she at least looked part of it all. People popped in and out from everywhere; there seemed to be ten people living in the house, and all of them inviting friends over.

Margie chatted with them all and with Nut at once, and she replied in monosyllables. Then the phone rang and she concentrated for a moment.

"Kim," she said, turning away from the noisy corridor. "About Sarah? I'm sorry honey, I haven't heard anything yet… Try not to worry, hey? She probably caught one of those refugee planes and is larking around in Hong Kong or Paris. Ring Flame, see if anything's turned up… alright… love you, bye."

She replaced the receiver and eyed Jai critically. "I thought you were looking better today, but…"

Jai pulled herself together. "Sorry, I haven't really talked to anyone in months and now… well, except for Jackson of course-"

"Yeah, well, it's a bit of a madhouse here."

"I'm never going to remember anyone's name," Jai laughed nervously.

"They'll likely have moved on in a few weeks anyway, so don't worry yourself about it."

The door swung open and Flame breezed through it like she lived here too.

"Marg is Etty still coming over for dinner tonight? It's just I don't have any apple sauce and I know she won't eat pork without apple sauce and – oh hi Nut." The breeze stilled and died as their eyes met.

Flame seemed completely at home here. And suddenly Jai did not. She slipped off the stool.

"I should be getting home…" Jai murmured.

"Mum! We need a wizard!" A girl ran in from out the back and stared at Flame, as if she could make such things appear at the snap of her fingers.

"Well don't look at me," Flame replied, smiling but firm. Yash walked right up to Jai and stared at her appraisingly.

"Nut, this is Ayasha, my daughter."

"Hi Ayasha."

"Yash, this is Nut, Jackson's partner."

Jai heard Flame's voice falter over the word.

"But you're his partner," Yash said, frowning, glancing back at her mother.

"Oh right. This is his wife then."

"Hi," Jai said, wandering if she should hold out her hand. She was not used to children. Everyone was useful at Sanderson's camp. Children were not useful.

"Hi," yash replied easily. "Can you be a wizard?"

"Uh…"

"Feel free to say no," Margie said without looking up from the sink, "It's a game they play, but they can only get so far without a wizard. Why doesn't she just stay here for dinner, forget about the pork and the apple sauce." This last was directed at Flame.

"Sure," Jai said, deciding, "Sure, I could be a wizard. What do I have to do?"

"Give them a riddle," Margie answered with disinterest as Yash's eyes ballooned with delight, "If they get it right, give them the medicine for the unicorn."

"Etty! We got a wizard!" Yash shouted, grabbing her hand and dragging her outside.

"Margie…" Jai heard Flame say as the safety of the kitchen was left rapidly behind, her tone implying that she was an angel and a naughty angel at once.

"Nut's chopped us enough for an army anyway. They may as well eat here."

"Not too hard, ok?" Yash whispered.

Flame came to rescue her after a few hours or so.

"I need the wizard," she said firmly, ushering Jai away.

"You can't say it like that," Yash complained.

"The wizard must speed to a distant wizard… conference. Now." Flame amended.

"Good luck, wizard!" Yash called after them, as she and Etty waved melodramatically.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked you round here earlier," Flame said, leading her to a different house across the street. Jai noted she seemed to have difficulty differentiating between Margie's and her houses, as if they were all one and not separated by streets and lawns and fences. Like a leftover of camp life.

Flame's house was silent, a sanctuary compared to Margie's, but to Jai, cold compared to Jackson's. It was beautifully furnished, rugs covering the wooden floors, curtains on the windows, bookcases and tables and sofas crowding the rooms. Jackson's was spartan, but to Jai, it was home, and this was the house of a Soul. Though she knew she was safe, her heart skittered a little to think she was alone in the house of an alien.

"Cup of tea?" Flame asked.

"Sure," Jai replied automatically, "Thanks." She drifted over to look at the pictures, and was captured by Maddy's face. A photo of Bhask and Maddy at the beach. _Maddy… _she thought forlornly, sadness filing her eyes.

"You knew her, didn't you," Flame said softly, passing her her mug. Jai nodded, putting the picture down so she could take it.

"She's all the family I ever had. Why do you have her picture?" Jai asked, still gazing at it. Flame gave her a puzzled look.

"Bhask is my son," she replied, and Jai stared at her, then back at the photo. "You didn't know?"

"I can see it now," Jai murmured, frowning, "But, he's one of Blackheath's…"

The door opened while she was turned away, and she heard him before she saw him.

"Hey, baby." A man was kissing Flame's head, and Jai recognized him with a stab of fear.

"Nut, I don't think you've met Alex?" Flame asked.

Jai edged away from them, scanning surreptitiously for exits while not letting him out of her sight.

"Nut?" Flame asked, puzzled, "Alex is-"

"We've met. You're one of Blackheath's men." Jai's voice was low and still, waiting for the attack. Jackson had arrested Blackheath, with her help, and vengeance would follow as naturally as water down a hill.

"Ah, no," the man said, making no move towards her, and hugging Flame tighter, "No; Blackheath's wife Dorsey is Flame's sister. That's the link. Seriously, that's it. I'm very pro-Soul in comparison."

She watched them together, not knowing what to believe. How could Blackheath's yakshi be Flame's sister? But again she could see the resemblance, and one of Blackheath's men could never be so affectionate with a Soul. She couldn't make it out, but she could see he must be speaking the truth. She relaxed slightly, then jumped, her phone ringing in her pocket. She answered and recognized Jackson's voice with a smile.

"Thank god," he breathed, "Where are you?"

"Margie's. Well, Flame's."

"Flame's?"

"Yeah?"

She waited out his silence.

"You staying there or..?" his voice trailed into uncertainties.

"No," she replied.

"I'll come pick you up?"

"That'd be great." She grinned in relief.

The door opened, and though she knew it couldn't be, she turned hoping for Jackson.

"I think we've had enough for one night," Margie said softly, walking in with Yash on her hip nodding like a rag doll. Flame's arms were full so Margie poured her into Jai's arms. "Etty's not talking to her. Oh ok, not _communicating_ then. Five more minutes it would have been a fight. I figure, why not just get in early, and then they can still be friends?"

"You're an angel Margie," Flame said.

"Yeah, yeah. See you tomorrow."

Flame let go of Alex to shut the door behind her.

"What do I do with her?" Jai asked, staring nervously at the girl in her arms.

"You could try putting her to bed," Flame suggested, but Yash stiffened immediately.

"No," she grumbled, gripping Jai's top tight and trying to keep her head up, "not tired."

"Course you're not," Alex smiled, kissing her as she relaxed back onto Jai's shoulder, and going for a shower. Jai sat carefully on the arm of the couch.

"Do you want some dinner?" Flame asked Jai, moving into the kitchen and continuing the process she'd abandoned hours ago. Though Jai couldn't deny being hungry, she didn't want to get trapped here longer than she needed to.

"Um, Jackson's on his way…" she stalled, "So Dorsey's your sister? Like, real sister?"

"My host's sister, I guess, but she's mine now," Flame replied easily, and Jai wondered how she could talk of the person she had murdered, the sister she had stolen from Dorsey, with such lightness. She felt there was something fundamentally wrong with the Souls, that they felt no remorse about their lifestyle. But she said nothing. She was in their world now.

"She left here to be with Blackheath," Flame went on, a trifle wistful, "when he was exiled. We don't see her much anymore."

Jai couldn't understand her at all. Her sister shacks up with a notorious Soul killer, and she's wistful?

"What was Alex doing with her?" she asked instead.

"Looking after her for me." Flame replied, chopping potatoes, "Jackson's probably told you he's secretly in league with anti-Soul factions or something?"

Jai shook her head. "Jackson doesn't talk much about work."

"I guess that's smart of him," Flame said, pausing as she put the potatoes in the oven to roast, "I try not to bring it home, but…"

"You're too much of a chatterbox," Alex finished for her, smiling, fresh from the shower.

"Lying human," Flame replied, smiling back mischievously. Jai's head hurt from trying to figure out the rules here. Nothing was what she was used to. No one even seemed to be in charge; Alex , Flame, and Margie all interacting as if they were equals. If anything, Etty seemed to have the most say, sending Yash out to find a wizard, dinner being decided around her, sending Margie back with Yash… but Etty was a child, barely talked, and one of the least useful members of the group. Why would they submit to her?

A car pulled up out the front, and Jai made a bee line for the door. "That'll be Jackson!" Jai said with distinct relief, "See ya!"

Jackson was already halfway across the lawn when he stopped, seeing Yashie in Jai's arms, dreaming on her shoulder.

"Hey," he said, guardedly.

"Hi," Jai grinned.

Jackson waved shortly at Flame and Alex as Jai disentangled herself from Yash, passing her to Alex, and followed him to the car. He started it silently, but was staring at the dash.

"You don't want children do you?" he said finally.

"_No_."

"Good."

And he settled.

-

Back in the apartment, the door closed against the outside world, they were both talking at once.

"I came home and I found all the windows were wide open - I didn't even know you could do that. And then I couldn't find you…" He couldn't describe that instant before he thought to call her mobile, that fear, that petrification, like he was turned to stone, frozen in time, that the feeling that she was gone had done to him.

"I just went to Margie's. I got kind of caught up. I figured you'd call when you were coming home. Man, it's just non-stop over there."

"Dinner?" he asked, filling the pause that followed.

"Sure."

He turned on the coffee machine and began pulling things out of the fridge. Jai's mouth watered in anticipation as she recognised the ingredients: Jackson's version of meatballs, rich with vanilla and caramelized onion rolled into them, fragrant with herbs, swaddled in spaghetti and a thick, tangy fresh tomato sauce.

"Why do you work for them?" she asked suddenly.

"What do you mean, them? The Souls? I don't work _for_ them. I'm not their slave."

"You're legitimizing their invasion," she said, and the words were almost automatic, she'd heard them so many times before.

"That's a nice piece of propaganda, where'd do you learn that?" Jackson replied, glancing at her from his browning onion. "Look, they made a bargain; they'd stop messing with us if we stopped messing with them. Sounded good enough to me."

"But a _Seeker_…"

"Would you prefer all-Soul Seeker forces, like before? Remember when they were thinking of banning football? What if there were no humans on the force then? People would have been getting in trouble for playing. We need to be equal, respected parts of our societies, in everything; Teaching, Healing… and Seeking."

He turned, set his mug under the coffee machine and watched it fill with mute satisfaction.

"Besides, I like the city. Caves creep me out."


	6. Chapter 5

**5.**

The phone rang long before dawn. Jackson swore; it was his first night off. But sometimes dispatch got into a roll and needed reminding.

But it wasn't dispatch. It was Montgomery.

"Some new evidence has come up," he said carefully, and Jackson knew it wasn't good news. "That Healer you went to, he swabbed your knuckles. He had a friend in forensics, and they found Chet's DNA. Guess he thought he was being helpful."

"Jesus Christ." Jackson pressed his fingers to his eyes. He hadn't taken Jai to the Healer. She'd been so spaced out after the visit to headquarters that he hadn't even thought of it. He'd just wanted to get her home, back to normal.

"It doesn't prove anything but it sure throws a bit of a spanner," Montgomery added.

"You want me to come and do a statement?"

"Just lie low for a few days."

"Gomez, I'm -"

"That's not advice. You've been suspended."

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

Jackson stared unseeingly out the dark window, stunned.

"No, I'm sorry," he said eventually, his voice low. "I should have called it in as soon as it happened. Fuck. Now we're all going to get dragged through the ringer."

The morning paper was in perfect agreement with his prediction.

"Corruption in Seeker Force!" ran the headline. _That fucking Healer_, Jackson thought, his breath becoming very controlled as he read the article.

Jai watched him as he read. His every muscle was hard with silent fury. His weapon was packed away, useless while he was suspended. She knew his perfect life was falling to pieces because of her.

The morning was tense, emotionally and meteorologically. Clouds gathered and darkened, thunder growled for hours on end, warming up inside the clouds before striking out at the ground. Finally, in the premature dimness of the overcast afternoon, the storm broke.

And almost instantaneously, the electricity cut out. Jai and Jackson looked at each other in the gloom, and Jai felt her edginess reflected in his.

"I don't like this," Jackson murmured, "We're going to Flame's."

"Flame's?" Jai asked, following him. It wasn't that she didn't like Flame, exactly, but…

"If this isn't just a power cut, the safest place to be is in a street full of humans. Not a suburb full of Souls," Jackson replied, grabbing their coats, "Just stay clear of Alex; he's a psycho."

-

Flame's house was an island of glowing cheer in the sheets of pouring rain. They had lit all their candles already, and the windows blazed with light. Jai tried not to appear as reluctant as she felt, entering their home, accepting their surprised greetings, waiting while Jackson explained. Nothing made sense to Jai here. Alex, Flame, Dorsey; she didn't understand what held them together. In her mind, they had good reason to hate each other, and barely any reason at all to consider each other family. But she tried to ignore her unease, and stuck close to Jackson. He, at least, made sense. Most of the time, anyway.

They had barely dropped their bags in their room and settled in the lounge, when a taxi pulled up out the front, and a younger man sprinted through the pouring rain up to the house.

"Bhask!" Flame shouted, running to open the door for him and throwing her arms around him, "what are you doing here? It's so good to see you! Did you just arrive? Alex, go get George!"

"Yeah, just got in," Bhask puffed, dumping his bag and hugging her back, then pulling Yash into his arms too, "Got a bit lonely down there. I went to see Dorsey, see how she was, but she wasn't there. None of them were."

"Let him dry off before you interrogate him," Alex said, grinning, pulling Yash off him and giving him a quick hug before ducking into the night, but Flame ignored him.

"What do you mean they weren't there? Where were they?"

"I don't know. Guess they've moved on." Bhask replied, frowning, and threw a look at Jackson, then gazed at Jai.

"Bhask, you've met Jackson?" Alex said.

He nodded but his eyes quickly swept back to Jai.

"I saw you at that meeting," Bhask said, recognizing her with growing excitement, "you're-"

Jackson interrupted swiftly. "This is my wife, Nut Jackson."

Bhask pulled up short, then offered his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

Jai shook it silently. The loss of Maddy loomed large between them.

"Well, we may as well eat the ice cream before it melts entirely," Flame said, handing out spoons and getting extra for Alex and George. They sat back down on the couches and Yash wormed her way onto Bhask's lap, eating her bowl of ice cream blissfully, then helping him with his. Jai ate quietly, watching the others dig in with a feeling of surrealism. She couldn't believe the gluttony of it. Ice cream was such a luxury, cost so much electricity to make and store, and here they were scoffing it before it melted away into nothingness. But the others ate undisturbed by such thoughts, and Flame peppered Bhask with questions about the fallout from the peace day violence.

"So many people have left," Bhask said, his eyes lost in the memory, "It's weird. It's so… empty."

"They'll have to tighten movement controls now."

"Oh, for sure."

Jai remembered how some of the roads leading into the Zone were only patrolled by Seekers weekdays, from 9-5, as if they weren't interested in the amateur terrorists, who were surely the only ones that could be active outside professional working hours.

Flame collected Bhask's and Yash's bowls and spoons before Yash could dig into anyone else's unfinished ice cream, and took them into the kitchen. Yash watched her leave forlornly, and Jai gave her her bowl instead. The sight of her ice cream was making her feel sick. She'd never ever eaten so much in one sitting.

"And the Zone?" Alex asked.

"A lot of people have left there too," Bhask said, looking grim.

"Like Blackheath," Jackson said, and Bhask seemed to remember suddenly that he wasn't talking amongst friends anymore.

"Why would he leave?" Bhask said. "I don't know, maybe they just moved for a while. Maybe getting arrested made him a bit edgy."

Jackson considered Bhask's pointed look and brought the last bowls into the kitchen, finding Flame rummaging through the fridge and freezer sadly. Jai had followed him closely, not particularly wanting to be alone with friends of Blackheath, and sat on the bench to watch.

"S'pose we could save their lives in dinner…" Flame was muttering, pausing before she threw the half defrosted peas in the bin, "The oven's out, but we've still got gas… this meat is not going to make it… or the stock. Oh! The butter…"

"I'll make a pilau," Jackson said, taking the ingredients out of her hands, "Brown up the meat, onions… have you got lime juice? Cinnamon?"

"You're a life saver, Jackson," Flame murmured, relaxing against the benchtop beside Jai.

"I'm going to get out of these clothes," Bhask called, extricating Yash from round his neck and heading for his bedroom. Flame hit her head.

"Oh, I put you guys in Bhask's room-" she looked at Jackson and Jai.

Bhask paused. "No problem. Just let me get a few things."

"We can't kick you out of your room," Jai said, frowning, following him down the corridor. She knew the importance of home, and Bhask had only just arrived back.

"No, really, the couch is fine. You guys, I mean, I'm alone and…"

The word had cut him deeply, and they both stopped short, hit with memories of Maddy. She went to leave him alone with his pain.

"J- Nut, wait," he said, catching her hand. She could tell he wanted to talk to her about Maddy, and she was torn. She knew talking about her would not bring her back. Not really. But maybe a little… She missed her so much. She knew Bhask would miss her even more. How could she ignore that?

But he said nothing, just held her hand and looked at her, his eyes large and fluid looking in the candle light.

"Maddy was still seeing Chet," he said finally, "I don't …" The name scalded her and she withdrew her hand instantly. But she could see he didn't understand her action. She made herself retake his palm and squeeze it.

"She loved you," Jai said quietly, "She was so happy with you." But she could see she wouldn't make him understand. How could he understand about Chet? The way he kept Maddy scared and hopeful at the same time, regularly hurting her but constantly telling her how good she was, how he was a better person with her.

"Then why was she still seeing Chet?" Bhask persisted, lost, "We moved three times, I didn't know why at the time, but I guess she was trying to get away from him, and he kept finding her, and then she just gave up. She gave up on us."

"No she didn't," Jai said warmly. "You're what made it possible for her to keep going… You wouldn't understand. Chet is…" but she couldn't talk about Chet. Chet was not relegated to Maddy. She went to pull away, but he held her hands tighter.

"She ran from me! She took that bomb, and, and, she killed herself-"

"She was already dead," Jai murmured through clenched teeth, "Chet would never let her go. I should find Jackson…"

But Bhask wouldn't let go of her hand. She looked at it, then at him, despairingly.

"Does Jackson know about you?" he asked carefully.

"A little," she whispered.

"You have to tell him."

"I don't."

"You can't just let him… fall in love with you and not let him know what he's falling in love with. Tell him."

"He doesn't want to know."

"If he loves you he would want to know. Doesn't he care?"

Jackson stormed into the room and pushed between them, glaring at Bhask.

"Leave her alone," he said rigidly, and Jai backed away stiffly behind him.

"You need to know," Bhask countered, belligerent, "Sanderson only kept people that were useful. Maddy's skill was Healing, she learnt during the war. Jai's was killing."

Jackson grabbed his sleeve and pulled him away furiously. Once out of Jai's earshot he shifted his grip to his arm and stared him down again.

"_I don't want to know_. Bhaskar, I'm a frikkin _Seeker._ If I come across any evidence, any real evidence that a crime has been committed, do you know what I'd have to do?"

Bhask tried to keep meeting his stare, but had to look away.

"Now you just_ shut up_ about her past. To me, to her, to anyone. She is Nut Jackson now. That's it. I know, I know she's your last link to Maddy, but… she needs to be able to leave the past in the past," he sighed in frustration, finally shifting his gaze from Bhask's face, "This week… Chet came back."

"_What_?"

"I came home and I found him… on top of her. He frikkin raped her. I know it's not the first time, but she's not handling it well. So just … _shut up_._"_

Bhask pulled his arm out of his grip.

"Chet is back?"

"No. Not anymore. I killed him. I just…"

"Jackson?" Flame called, from the kitchen, "I think the rice is going to burn?"

Bhask and Jackson stared at each other a moment, and this time it was Jackson that looked away.

"Just stay away from her. Leave her alone," Jackson said finally, leaving him with one last glancing glare.

-

The sound of the pouring rain filled the occasional pauses in the dinner conversation. Jackson's food was, as always, awesomely good. Jai concentrated on eating, hoping to be able to escape to bed the quicker, and stole food surreptitiously off Jackson's plate so he would hurry up and finish too. Finally he noticed his plate was empty and Jai was staring at him expectantly.

"Well, I guess we'll call it a night," he said, and Jai jumped up a little too quickly, "Thanks, guys, for having us over."

"No problem. Anytime," Flame said. Jai led the way down the corridor away from the chorus of 'goodnights', giddy with relief.

"How long do we have to stay here?" she asked Jackson when he was comfortably settled on the pillow beside her.

"You hating it that much?" Jackson murmured, tracing his fingers down her side, "Flame's not that scary, is she? Or is it Bhask."

"He just misses Maddy, that's all," Jai murmured, "But I like our place." She curled tighter into him, and he frowned to see her eyes on the edge of that distant look.

"Me too," he said, kissing her cheek and wrapping his arms around her, "Let me check with HQ in the morning. If there's nothing suss, we'll go home tomorrow."

Jai closed her eyes, trying to pretend they were there already, and safe in her illusion, soon fell asleep.

-

A scream broke the calm of the night, and Jai's eyelids flew open to stare in terror at Jackson. He got up, grabbed her hand tight, and padded down the corridor towards it. Everyone had done the same, and converged at Yash's room. Flame was walking back and forth holding Yash in her arms, her long legs hanging down on either side, while Yash shivered and the downpour continued unabated around them.

"Etty let her rabbit sleep over," Flame explained, indicating the sagging toy in the window, "I left it on the window sill and when the lightning flashed..." she mouthed something. Neither Jai nor Jackson got it.

"The black rabbit of Innle," Alex muttered in her ear.

Jai was still equally lost, and gave up trying to understand. She sat trembling on the child's bed, trying to focus on what did make sense. Jackson sat beside her, putting his arm around her, worried that she'd go distant again. She stared at the floor in silence for a moment, then gave him a small, shaky smile.

Bhask stared at them, his fists gripping nothing.

"Come on, Nutty," Jackson said softly, hauling her up and holding her close, "let's go back to bed."

"Maybe she doesn't want to go," Bhask said, his tone dangerously restrained. Jai listened to the rain as the awkward silence stretched on, and held Jackson closer. Jackson decided to ignore him, and took Jai away. She settled straight away in their bed. Jackson sat with her a moment, then went to track down Bhask.

He found that Alex had taken him into the lounge, trying to reason with him. But Bhask was on a roll. Neither of them noticed Jackson leaning on the wall and listening.

"He doesn't care about her!" Bhask was hissing, "He's just keeping her to fuck her! He's just like all the others-"

"Bhask-" Alex tried to interrupt, placatingly.

"Well what is she doing with him? She's just a kid! He's keeping her locked up like some kind of-"

"I'm not," Jackson said, and Bhask's flow of anger stopped momentarily against his grim bluntness.

They both stared at him, suddenly noticing his longstanding presence, Alex stiff with guilt, but Bhask recovering quickly and going straight back on the attack.

"Oh yeah?" Bhask goaded him, rushing up to him with such hostility that Jackson wondered if he would need to hit him, "_Well why does she stay with you_?"

The attack was worse than physical. The world seemed to whirl slightly, and Jackson had not yet come up with an answer. Then he realized the silence was weightier than just his own, and turned to see Flame and Jai standing in shocked silence behind him.

"Bhask!" Flame said, aghast, "I'm sorry, he's upset-"

"Come on Jackson," Jai said, pulling his arm firmly, voice acid, "we're going home. What does it matter what he thinks?"

But Bhask's question stayed with him, as Flame tried to apologise and entreated them to stay. Was Jai free to choose? Anyone could have saved her. What if it had been Bhask… Why _did_ she stay with him?

Jai seemed singularly unperturbed, pulling on her shoes and coat in silent anger, so Jackson followed suit. Finally Flame let them go.

It wasn't til they got to the car that Jackson realized he'd left his phone on the bedside table, and dashed back through the rain to grab it. The house was quiet, the excitement over; everyone gone back to bed. He pocketed his phone and then heard Bhask's voice rising above the drumming of the rain. Bhask and Alex were on the back porch, Alex watching Bhask pace back and forth while the storm raged around them.

"He tried to frame Mum for murder, he pulled a gun on Dorsey, he arrests and beats Blackheath-"

"I know, I know. Look he's not my idea of a prince either," Alex was replying, "But, I don't think he'd hurt her."

But Bhask hardly seemed to hear, his face twisted in fury. "What does he have that I don't? Why does she stay with him when Maddy… Chet's a _bastard!_"

"Bhask," Alex said firmly, grabbing his shoulders, stopping him, "_Jai is not Maddy_."

Bhask looked into his eyes, lost, "Why does he get to keep her, when I don't get to keep Maddy?"

"It doesn't work like that," Alex replied quietly, "They both survived, that's all."

Jackson left the house silently. He could feel Bhask's loss. If he had lost Jai… he pushed the thought from his head, slamming the car door shut a little harder than usual, closing the door on the lot of them. Jai looked at him expectantly.

"Home?" he asked, and she gave a single, firm, nod.

"Home it is," he confirmed, driving away.


	7. Chapter 6

**6.**

The apartment buildings were still in darkness, the occasional candle lighting up a window, and Jackson wondered how many calls the fire department would have tonight. The car was swallowed into the underground carpark, the car's headlights illuminating a cone of darkness like a submersible inside a shipwreck. Jackson found his park, pulled his powerful Seeker torch out of the glove box and handed it to Jai, before shutting off the headlights and plunging the carpark into darkness.

She led the way up the stairs, Jackson cursing he'd chosen an apartment so high up. Inside the apartment, the faint streetlight filtering through the rain provided some dim illumination, and Jackson went for the candles while Jai went to dump her overnight bag in the bathroom.

Jai's scream, sharp and short, brought him running. She stood, perfectly immobile, her torch beam shivered on a bloody form in the bath. A body. The Healer that had swabbed his knuckles, lying there, covered in blood. _Shit_.

"You didn't touch anything, did you?" he said, hands on her shoulders. She shook her head. He went in and checked for a pulse, following protocol though he knew the body was dead.

"It's that Healer," she whispered, still standing in the doorway.

"Yeah," Jackson replied, calling it in. "Are you alright?"

She nodded again. "Just got a shock." But her eyes wouldn't leave the marks on the Healer's body, and Jackson had to pull her away.

Jackson fetched his gun and loaded it, and they sat on the couch in the lounge, the torch shining on the front door, waiting.

"What's going on Jackson?" Jai whispered, "Why is there a body in our bathroom?"

"I don't know," he replied quietly.

"It's that Healer."

"Uh huh."

"This is bad, isn't it?"

He didn't reply, thinking of his alibis for the afternoon, wishing he hadn't left his phone behind; it left a nice chunk of time between being seen to leave Flame's and calling the body in, with only Jai as an alibi. And Jai's credibility was in serious doubt after the rigmarole with Chet.

All too soon, Beebe and Montgomery arrived, Forensics right on their heels, and Beebe was cuffing Jackson without a word.

"You have to read me my rights," Jackson murmured, his eyes locked on Jai's. She looked at him like she was losing everything. Everything.

"Jackson-" Beebe replied tightly.

"Do it right, boys," Jackson said, looking away.

-

Jai had given her statement, Beebe and Montgomery questioned her half-heartedly, and then they let her stay while they went to get Jackson from the cells. She sat under the harsh fluorescent lights, the storm outside easing and barely audible, thinking how she had first met Jackson in a storm just like this one, remembering the pounding of the hail, the roar of the river rising… She couldn't lose him now. The thought pulled at her incessantly, and she fought it right back. She _couldn't_ lose him now.

Then they brought Jackson back and uncuffed him, fiddling with the recording system, giving them a moment.

"Nut, I want you to go to Flame's for a while," Jackson said, his voice low, trying to hold her gaze.

"No," she replied equally firmly, staring past him into the wall. She couldn't look at him and still hold herself together as well.

"Just for a while, til this all blows over."

"I'm going home." The thought of the empty apartment filled her with coldness.

"Please, Nutty," he said, his eyes pleading with her, "I don't want you to be alone."

She didn't reply. She knew he didn't think he was coming back. He was going to storage. She couldn't believe this. She couldn't even think about it.

Montgomery opened the door for her apologetically, and she gave Jackson a quick, desperate hug, then followed Montgomery out to the public area.

"Nut, we'll do what we can," he whispered, pausing as he closed the door to the Seeker-only section, "We'll look after him."

She nodded, but she knew there was nothing they could do. They could only do their jobs, and they'd be pulled off the case by morning; too close to the suspect. Jai sat on the plastic reception chairs and waited. Part of her waited for them to bring him back to her, refusing to believe he was gone. The rest of her knew he was gone for good if she didn't do something about it. But she didn't know what to do. So she waited, heart frozen.

She waited til she saw Flame come out the doors.

"He didn't do it," Jai said immediately, unthinkingly.

"I know," Flame replied, her eyes sympathetic.

"I need you to do me a favour," Jai said.

"Do you want to see him again? He's fine-"

"Maybe later. Something else."

-

Jai sat at Flame's desk, staring over at Jackson's, gazing at the neatness that mirrored his apartment perfectly, and she could see him, sitting there working, typing, calling on that phone, passing evidence bags to Flame… Though she knew the desk was empty, it was like he was still here, just about to walk in and sit down. She told herself to get a grip, and focused on Flame as she came over carrying two folders.

"The first body has been burnt already," Flame said, "Cremated, sorry. But I've got the photos."

Jai poured over each photo carefully, looking at every mark on the bodies, reconstructing in her head the blows, the pattern of attack, comparing them.

"I know who did this," she said finally, staring, her voice quiet and even, "Chet Diaz."

"Nut, Chet's dead," Flame said gently, "This is Chet." She pointed at the photos. Jai shook her head.

"No, it's not. Chet has a scar here. And here. There's nothing there. Chet wouldn't get rid of a scar. It's like a pride thing for them, not to use Heal. To show the evidence of their struggle. And Chet is-" her hands grasped at the air, "…different." She knew his body. This was not it.

"And how he punches…" Jai knew too well how he punched. She could reconstruct the attack because she had seen it too many times, and seen the bruises afterwards. Sometimes on her own body. "Chet did this. Both of them."

"Ok," Flame said, "I'll run a DNA test on the first one. We'll still have samples somewhere."

"So Jackson will be let out, won't he? Because there's nothing to say he killed this one. Then he's got no prior, and there's nothing to say he killed that one. And he's got an alibi. They'll have to let him out, right?"

"I hope so, Nut," Flame murmured, "I'll do my best."

Jai got up to leave.

"Where are you going?" Flame asked, surprised, "Jackson said-"

"I want to go home," Jai said coldly, walking out, and Flame let her go.

-

For Maddy's sake, for Jackson's sake, Jai hated Chet with a loathing that burned her.

She remembered when Maddy found Bhask again, and it was all she could do not to tell her to grab the opportunity and run as far and as fast as she could.

"I have to get out," Maddy had whispered, butting her lip into her knee.

"You can't get out," Jai had told her, sadly but firmly. _There's no out to go to_, she thought, _there is no place for us_.

"I could." Maddy insisted, and Jai wished with all her heart it was true.

"For a while maybe. But it's hopeless getting out on your own."

"I won't be on my own. I'll be with Bhask."

"Bhask is not going to protect you from Chet."

"Bhask is with Blackheath. It'll work out."

"They cannot protect you from Chet! You'll start a war," Jai said more sharply than she had intended, but Maddy had not argued back, and she'd thought Maddy had got the crazy idea out of her head. But then she had gone, for good. She hadn't even said goodbye.


	8. Chapter 7

**7.**

Jackson paced the empty apartment while the phone rang, staring for the fourth time at all the places where Jai was not.

"Flame, tell me Nut's with you," he said tightly as soon as she picked up.

"She said she was going home," Flame answered, surprised.

"She's not here. No one's been here. Where else would she go?"

Worry was creeping into the pit of her stomach and fast turning to dread.

"Get the cctv, meet me at HQ," Flame said shortly, and hung up.

-

She met Jackson at the door to HQ, holding it open for him as, despite being released, he was still suspended; his pass number was still deactivated.

"I've called everyone I can think of," she said in a low voice as they marched to their desks, "Margie, the other girls her age… no one has seen her. I told Bhask to meet us here." She pulled up the cctv footage of outside the HQ on her screen and let it roll.

"She didn't take a taxi," Flame said, as Jai walked out the doors, shoulders hunched against the last of the rain, and set off down the pavement.

"What?" Jackson asked, searching the image for any sign of a waiting car, bus, some clue on Jai's face – there was nothing.

"Not from here anyway. And I called the transport hub, there was no record of a call."

"She walked? That's miles!" He uploaded the apartment's cctv footage as Flame's phone beeped.

"That's Bhask, I'll go let him in," Flame said, getting up.

Jackson watched the apartment building footage while he waited, but the early morning foot traffic had been light, and as yet there was nothing to see. And if she had walked then he was looking at the wrong time section; she would have arrived much later. He started fast forwarding the footage.

"Jai's missing. We need your help," Flame was saying as she led Bhask over, "Chet is still out there."

Bhask looked instantly ill. "I thought-"

"So did I," Jackson said grimly, "But he's not dead. Flame says Jai recognized the beatings the other bodies took – his handiwork. Means he was framing me I guess. Stop – that's her!"

The screen showed a grainy image of Jai walking up to the entrance doors slowly, then stopping, staring at something in the distance.

"She's looking at something," Jackson said, "Recognizing something."

"Someone," Flame murmured.

"She doesn't know anyone," Jackson replied, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice.

Then she walked away. Stiffly, somehow.

"Where the hell is she going?" Jackson muttered, pressing his fingers to his temples.

"Bhask, please," Flame said, turning to him, placing her hands on his knees, "Maddy knew her best, and Chet best, and you're the closest thing to Maddy we've got. You have to tell me everything you can think of."

"The way she's walking there…," Bhask murmured, pointing at her image on the screen as she walked stiffly out of shot, "that's how Maddy walked at that meeting, when Chet wanted her."

"Chet," Flame whispered, "Oh my god."

"We need another angle," Jackson said tightly.

"I'm on it."

"She could have gone inside," Jackson muttered, "Why the hell did she…?"

"I can think of two reasons," Bhask said finally, "One, for the same reason Maddy went back to him. I don't know, compunction to obey, a, a hopelessness… I never understood it. Jai said Chet never let her go…"

"But…." Flame started, then shook her head, "and the other?"

"She's an assassin," Bhask replied, almost tonelessly, "They used her to, to lure men that Sanderson wanted killed. Then she'd kill them, or they would." Jackson felt a shiver of fear. Who had lured who, that afternoon when he was supposed to drive her to the motel? But it was fleeting. It didn't matter anymore.

"Chet is threatening her wellbeing," Bhask went on, staring at the screen, "threatening you. She's going to kill him."

"Jesus Christ," Jackson said, his face rigid, "She's going to get herself killed."

"And if not, stored," Flame murmured, searching through the cctv flies for another angle.

"Jackson?" Montgomery said, walking in from Forensics, "you should be at home."

"Nut's gone missing," Flame told him, still glued to the screen, "We think Chet Diaz has her."

"Chet's dead," Montgomery said, narrowing his eyes at her.

"He did a real good job of fooling us into thinking that," she muttered, "But no, he's alive and well."

"I don't know about well," Jackson said, "I hit him pretty hard."

"He's well enough to have done some pretty serious damage to that Healer," Montgomery muttered.

Then Flame found the other cctv angle. It didn't show the front of the building, but a little further towards the street, where the letterboxes were.

"Here, look: that's Nut," she said; Jai walked out of screen and a vehicle pulled up slowly behind her.

"Get that number," Jackson ordered, and Montgomery was typing furiously already, "find that car."

"Hired to Sarah Turner," Montgomery read off his screen, "four months ago."

"Sarah?" Flame said, deep in thought, "Sarah came back… but she didn't go home…" she looked at Jackson suddenly, "she must have Munro with her! Munro! That's who the first body was. That's why the computer thought it was Chet." She dialed Kim's number straight away.

"If it's a rental, it'll have a GPS," Jackson muttered, turning back to the screen and searching through the pages.

"Kim?" Flame demanded as soon as the phone answered, "Sarah's in the country. We- What? She's with you? "

"Here," Jackson said, stabbing at the screen , "It's parked outside those factories down by the river, where Munro kept Alasdair. Let's go."

"Jackson, wait," Flame said, holding his arm, "You're not involved in this investigation, remember?"

They stared at each other a moment.

"Right," he said quietly, "Fine. I guess I'll go home. Let me know as soon as anything's going down?"

"Of course," she whispered and turned to Montgomery, focused, "Get me all the active Seekers we've got in today. Kim, what do you mean she was hiding by the river…?"

Jackson left the room, head bowed, disinterested. But he didn't go home. He went straight to the abandoned factories. The river was flooding slowly after the heavy rain, creeping up the laneways between the sagging buildings, reflecting their graying image in the morning light. But the building with Sarah's car parked outside was dry. Jackson remembered finding Flame here, unconscious in a cage, and that had only been Munro. Chet was a whole new level entirely. Jackson edged towards the car silently, stealing himself, noticed the dark blood on the seats as he passed, then disappeared inside the ruined building.


	9. Chapter 8

**8.**

Jai sat huddled against the factory wall, the sunlight falling from the impossibly high windows never quite seeming to make it this far to the ground. She held herself tight, trying to focus on what she wanted to do. But Chet had been endlessly distracting so far.

"There's no future for you here, baby," Chet was saying, and she tried to ignore him, "They find out about you, you'll be frozen. No ifs, no buts, no passing go. Doesn't matter who your boyfriend is. You know what they use as the coolant, initially? Liquid nitrogen."

There was a hiss as the metal rod touched her skin, freezing it instantly, and she screamed.

"But, the only way out of being frozen, is being dead," Chet went on, as if nothing had happened, replacing the rod inside the tank, "You know what they do with dead bodies here? They burn them. You don't even get a grave."

"Like Munro," she whispered, fingers forming a cage around the cold burn.

"Yeah. Just like Munro."

Jackson entered the space and froze in the shadows, seeing Chet pick a stiff wire from the fire, it's tip glowing hot. He was too far for a good shot, and began edging closer along the walls.

"So what's it going to be baby?" Chet asked casually, "Burnt or frozen?"

"Ask yourself that," Jai said, her voice suddenly full of vehemence, "I say burnt. There's no coming back from burnt. And I don't ever want to see you, hear you, feel you, ever again." Her eyes flashed at him, and when he came at her she was ready. But he knew all her tricks, and she knew, deep down, that he would always win.

When he paused for breath Jai was trying to move, to stand, but her limbs would not obey, jerking stupidly on the concrete, scrabbling slowly at nothing, smearing her blood. _Focus, Jai_! She screamed silently, _you have to rise above_! But her body would not obey.

"You always thought you were too good, little bitch," Chet said, leaning close to her ear, "You never were, were you, you little shit?"

Jackson knew he was supposed to give a warning before he shot. He knew it was standard protocol, whatever the situation. And he couldn't give a fuck. But Chet's head was too close to Jai, and he had to go for a body shot.

Chet was spun away from her at the force of the shot, but had got a gun from nowhere and shot back before he'd hit the ground.

Jackson lay on the ground, trying to breathe, watching Chet drag himself to his feet and shuffle over.

"Think you can kill me as easy as that?" Chet muttered, "Stupid Fucking Seeker."

Chet picked up a metal pipe. A single blow of that pipe could kill a person, if you started from the head. Chet never started from the head.

Jai felt an icy coolness pouring into her. _At last, at last_. It sluiced away the burning and the pain and the weight of her limbs, filling her with nothingness. She grabbed the wire from where he had dropped it, and got to her knees. She approached slowly while Chet was distracted with Jackson. Her eyes could have frozen him already. She remembered with perfect clarity the anatomical images she had poured over with Maddy; Maddy seeking to learn how to save life, Jai looking for more and more efficient ways to take it. She could see on Chet's body, as if lit up in a white fire, where she would shove the wire, in what sequence, and she knew nothing else, not her own pain, not Jackson's cries, not even the excitement of the kill.

Chet fell down dead at her feet. She fell to her knees, and severed his jugulars, both sides, and his femorals, both sides, just to make sure. Then she collapsed by Jackson's body, and used the last of her strength to pull herself to it and press into it, holding it's bloody bulk to her as if they were one. And that's how the Seekers found them, their blood covering them both, mixing in pools on the concrete, and it was hard to say where one stopped and the other began.


	10. Part 2 Chapter 9

**_Part 2_**

**9.**

The wind whipped Sarah's hair onto her face, and her mother smoothed it back again. Sarah didn't notice. She squinted into the sunlight, with eyes for nothing but the pot of ash being interred, feeling nothing but Munro's loss. Well, almost nothing.

Around the gravesite, the Provis', Kim's other children, Margie's extended family, including Flame and Ayasha, but not Alex, stood in the warmth of the afternoon sun, saying goodbye. Flame thought it was a pretty good turnout for someone with no legal family. She doubted that Chet would get anything like this.

Lily had come, though Alasdair kept his distance, not wanting to offend the Provis'. Flame wasn't quite so tactful. She wanted to say goodbye too. But she stood next to Lily, keeping out of the way as much as was possible for a Soul at a human funeral. When the service was concluded, she trailed after Lily as she went up to Sarah, as was proper, and offered her condolences. But Lily stumbled on her desolate words, and Sarah grabbed her in a fierce hug. This, they could share. Munro had belonged to them both, after all.

But truly, Lily had lost Munro, chosen to lose him, long ago. As much as she might care for him, as a brother, she couldn't share the impotent rage that grew on Sarah's closed face. Lily had never met Chet. Nor could she see the point in hating someone who was already dead. Sarah could sense Lily's awkwardness, the distance that Chet had put between them, and it only made her hate him all the more.

"Where is she?" Sarah asked, letting Lily go and turning to Flame, "That girl that killed him. Jai." Flame flinched instinctively, and not just because Sarah had used her real name, her forbidden one.

"She didn't kill Munro," Flame said softly, mistaking her anger, but Sarah was shaking her head impatiently.

"I know," Sarah muttered, closing her eyes against the memories, "Chet. She killed Chet, didn't she?"

Flame hesitated; the Soul in her wanting to say yes, the Seeker in her knowing she couldn't.

"They haven't had the hearing yet," Flame said, reluctantly, "Jackson shot him too…"

And then she forgot she was talking to Sarah, that she was standing by a graveside with the sun slapping hard on her head and the wind taking the sting of it away, and she was back in the Healing Centre, staring at Jackson's beaten form in snatches between the Healers than ran back and forth. She was supposed to be telling the Healers what had happened, but her mouth was slack and her eyes locked onto his body, the skin swollen and avulsed from the force of the blows, the muscle exposed, glints of bone, his knee on the strangest angle, his stomach black with blood, his breathing nonexistent save for what a machine could force into his sodden lungs. Later, she realized she was in shock, but at the time, she couldn't think of anything, not what to tell the Healer, not where she should be, nor what she should be doing next. Finally Montgomery had come and led her away to the waiting area. And she'd never left, really, she was still waiting; the surgeries, the complications, the medically induced comas…

"Flame?" Sarah said, and Flame was a little surprised to be standing in the velvet grass of the cemetery, "Where is she?"

"Um, she's at my place. House arrest, basically. Til the hearing," Flame said, watching Sarah carefully to make sure her words were making sense.

"Arrest? But she didn't do anything wrong," Sarah protested, a frown deepening the lines round her mouth.

"It hasn't been decided yet," Flame murmured, edging away, "I'm sorry Sarah…" she indicated the others wanting to talk to her and made her escape. Sarah was soon surrounded by sympathizers, and Flame found Yash and drove back home.

-

"How is she?" she asked Alex, coming to check on them the first thing she did. The room was cool and dim, and after the wind and brightness of the afternoon, as quiet and still as a church. Alex shrugged, leaning back and wiping at his tired eyes, and she felt like they had made no progress, like he would say exactly what he'd said so many times in the past few days.

"She's sort of woken up a couple of times. But never really with it. The nurse came round and changed her drip. She's going to take her off parenteral nutrition, see if she gets hungry enough to wake up properly."

Flame sat at the end of the bed and squeezed Jai's feet gently. Jai frowned in her sleep and turned a little closer to the wall.

"Maybe it's better that she sleeps," Flame murmured, "she's been through a lot." Physically, she was as good as healed. Jai's injuries were nothing like Jackson's. Chet had only been playing with her, teaching her a lesson. Jackson he had been playing with too, but Chet had not intended him to learn anything particular, in as much as he didn't expect him to be alive afterwards. Playing end game. That he was still alive, was entirely due to Jai. If Jai had been a Seeker, she would be up for a medal. But she wasn't a Seeker. She wasn't supposed to take the law into her own hands. She wasn't supposed to kill people. Murder was still murder, in her hands.

Flame hoped that when the hearing came, they could spin it to self defence, or at least a crime of passion. But Soul judges were less and less impressed by these sorts of pleas, especially since the peace day violence. People were reassessing the place of violence in their lives, and Flame feared that they would find no place for Jai.

-

They had put her in Dorsey's room, which had seemed perfect until Dorsey arrived on their doorstep. Amidst the cries of delight and surprise and jumble of greetings and hugs and questions, Dorsey was drifting towards her room automatically.

"Long story," Dorsey was saying, in answer to Bhask's question, "Let's just say I'm not particularly useful for Blackheath's political career at the moment."

"Oh, I know what that feels like," Flame grinned, and it wasn't til Dorsey's hand was on the door handle that she remembered. "Oh, we'll have to put you somewhere else for a bit. Or maybe…?" she squinted at Alex, wondering who they should move.

"You've already got a visitor, huh?" Dorsey smiled.

"Dorsey, it's Jai Brown," Alex muttered, watching her face anxiously. Dorsey blanked and shoved the door open. Jai had been lying, staring at her finger as it traced a line down the wall, and turned slowly to look towards the door as it opened, her eyes still fuzzy, like she wasn't really awake. But when she saw who it was, they cleared instantly, and then she was on the windowsill, shoving at the sash with one hand while she pulled out the iv drips with the other, and if Alex hadn't grabbed her legs she would have been gone.

Bhask helped him wrestle her back to the bed and Dorsey sat on her legs while Flame tried to stem the flow of blood pouring out her arm.

"Jai! Jai!" she called, trying to get through to her, but Jai was fighting like her life was on the line, and Flame feared what would have happened if she hadn't been so weak. "Yash, go get Margie!"

"I've called the nurse back," Margie said as she ran in with Alida, piling on, and finally, Jai began to calm, though it was probably more from blood loss than anything else. After the Healer had returned with sedative, everyone could finally sit back and look at each other, stunned.

"Where the hell did that come from?"Margie asked.

"She recognized Dorsey," Alex said grimly.

"So?"

"So last time I saw her, she was double-crossing Blackheath," Dorsey replied.

"Well, not double-crossing, exactly, but-" Bhask put in.

"The point being, she'd be quite within her rights to assume that Dorsey's going to kill her now," Alex said.

"But… that's crazy… this isn't the Zone…" Flame struggled to make sense of her, but with Jai, it was always a losing battle for her.

"No, but Jai's in Jai-land, and most of that is still in the Zone." Alex said as he went out, and Margie took Alida and followed.

"Dorsey, it is crazy, isn't it?" Flame pressed, "You're not going to punish her?"

"No, of course not," Dorsey sighed, almost reluctantly, "Wouldn't mind giving her a piece of my mind though."

"Or, you could just tell her she's ok here?"

"I don't think she'll believe you," Bhask said.

"But you could try?"

"Of course."

Alex came back with a hammer and nailed the window shut, then started screwing a lock onto the door.

"Alex!" Flame gasped, "We can't keep her locked up like she's a criminal!"

"She_ is_ a criminal," Dorsey said drily, "She's a fucking assassin. Like, actually literally. You don't want to be round her when she gets her strength back."

"Jai?" Flame whispered, "But she's always been…"

"With Jackson? Safe? Calm? Look what she did to Chet. Watch what happens when she thinks she has to work to survive. It's not going to be pretty."

"Oh, Jackson," Flame breathed, chewing on her lip as she gazed at Jai's limp form. _We need him back_, she thought, _she'd be alright, if we could just get him back…_

-


	11. Chapter 10

**10.**

They took it in turns to keep watch on her. Bhask was taking his turn when the sedative wore off. Jai woke slowly, then recognized where she was, and sat up with a jolt. Then she saw Bhask, guarding her, and then the window, nailed shut, and slumped.

"Hey," Bhask said, sitting up a little straighter, but Jai barely reacted. "It's alright. Dorsey's not going to hurt you. She's not like that."

Jai didn't even bother looking at him. She wandered what he wanted, what they all wanted with her. It didn't seem to be her body; Bhask looked at her, but like he hungered for knowledge: he was lost, looking for Maddy, searching for something that didn't exist.

"Jai, you have to believe us," he pressed, "For God's sake, Maddy trusted me-"

"Leave me alone," she muttered, curling up into a ball. She didn't want to talk about Maddy. She didn't want to talk about anything.

"I can't leave you alone. If you get out... where are you going to go?"

_Home_… she thought.

"I think you did the right thing. Chet…" He put his head in his hands. "I wish I could have done it."

"Maddy hated him too," she said finally, staring at the wall, trying to be glad she had killed him. For Maddy's sake.

But Bhask shook his head.

"She did, you know," Jai said softly, frowning at him.

"Jai, she was still seeing him!" Bhask replied, and she could see his eyes shining, trying to keep emotion at bay.

"No, she wasn't. Not like you think."

"How could you know," he muttered.

"You don't understand," she retorted, sick of him throwing her comfort back in her face, "You've grown up in la-la land. You have no idea what it's like in the real world."

"The Zone isn't the real world!" he exclaimed, staring at her incredulously, and sadly too.

"That's why you wouldn't understand," she muttered, "It was Maddy's real world. Chet rules there."

"Ruled," Bhask said.

"What?"

"You said rules. He's dead."

Jai absorbed this, then put her head on her knees "Go away."

"Jai," Bhask said softly, coming towards her. She didn't like softness. She didn't like him close to her.

"I want to see Jackson," she said hotly, then shouted, "Why can't I see Jackson?"

"Calm down!" he shouted back.

"What's going on," Alex said, coming in, quickly. Jai sat in silence, staring at the wall, as if she'd never spoken. Alex was a different kettle of fish. She knew he would not be so easily scared. She couldn't make him go away by shouting at him. And she didn't want to see what happened when he got angry. Jackson said he was psycho. _Jackson…_

"She wants to see Jackson," Bhask said finally. Alex sighed under his breath. Jai held back the tears that were pressing against her throat. _He's dead_, she thought, free falling into misery, _he's dead…_

"She's awake?" Flame asked, and Alex shifted to let her poke her head round the doorframe and see Jai sitting in the corner, staring intently at her patch of wall. "Dorsey, get in here," Flame called, going back to drag her into the room, as the boys vacated to the corridor to make room, "Tell her."

"You're such a Nazi," Dorsey muttered, shaking her free, "I'm not going to friggin hurt you, Jai. Just relax. Satisfied? Can I go now?"

Flame rolled her eyes in frustration, and Dorsey pushed past the boys in the corridor and returned to Yash and the TV, Flame trailing after her like a terrier.

"Bhask, the girls are going to watch a movie, you want to go join them?" Alex said, facing him from the opposite side of the corridor, where he was leaning on the wall, "I'll take over here."

"What does she want to see Jackson for," Bhask whispered, leaned against the wall, tapping the back of his head lightly on it, like trying to shake Jai out of it, "We're looking after her now." He knew Maddy would want him to look after her. But jai didn't want to be looked after.

"She loves him," Alex replied softly. "You can understand that, can't you."

Bhask looked away, and nodded. Alex nodded too, wishing he could say more, then went in and shut the door between them.

Jai watched him sit in the chair, slowly, thinking. She wondered vaguely how you pushed his psycho button. He didn't seem very psycho.

"Jackson's still in the Healing Centre," he said finally.

"He's alive?" she whispered.

"Yes."

She leaned back against the wall, tears of relief flowing down her cheeks. "Thank you," she murmured, feeling like she could breathe properly, freely, for the first time in days. She looked at Alex anew. He was big, but he didn't take advantage of it. He didn't try to intimidate her. He seemed to go out of his way to do the reverse.

"We can't take you to see him," he was saying, "Well, they're not letting anyone see him, but there's going to be a hearing. About Chet. They need to know where you are, til then. That's why we have to keep you here."

She drew her finger along the line of nails in the window pane, waiting for her tears to stop. "I don't like being locked up," she whispered.

Alex watched her unhappily, not liking it either.

"The others are going to watch a movie." He could see the light of interest in her eyes, though she looked steadily at the window. "I'd let you out if you promised not to try and run off."

"Ok," she said. Lightly. Easily. Too easily.

"You're lying aren't you," he muttered, running his hands through his hair in frustration. Jai couldn't help grimacing. She didn't particularly want to lie to him.

"Fine." Alex said, grabbing her wrists and hauling her up, though she stiffened in fear. "You're going to see this movie anyway. You can't just sit in here forever."

-

Flame had gone to get some more chips, and came back to find Alex lying behind Jai on her couch, Jai's wrists held carefully tightly in his hands. Despite her captivity, and her proximity to Dorsey on the couch opposite, Jai looked pretty much snug in his arms, and gazed at the screen avidly. Flame could hardly begrudge her a night out of her cell. Didn't mean she was happy about it though. She did an about turn and squeezed in behind Dorsey and Yash.

"Get your own seat," Dorsey murmured grumpily, still trying to watch the movie.

"Mine's been taken," Flame grumped back softly, and they both tried not to stare daggers at Jai and Alex.

"Where's Bhask?" Alex asked, taking a careful handful of chips.

"He went for a walk."

Alex raised his eyebrows: it was long dark. But he said nothing, hoping the night air would ease him, and he would come back calmer, happier, like the Bhask they had known before Maddy died; the one they saw all too little of these days. Having Jai in the house definitely wasn't helping with that.

The end credits rolled and Alex shifted his gaze to Jai's face. She was asleep, her head heavy on his arm. He carried her carefully back to her room and put her to bed.

"Jackson?" she murmured, waking up a little.

"No, it's Alex. Go back to sleep, Jai."

"Why am I so sleepy?" she whispered, turning over.

"You've been through a lot," he said, pulling the cover back over her shoulders.

"I want to see Jackson," she breathed, right on the edge of sleep.

"I know." He waited a moment, but she was deeply asleep, and he left her, locking the door behind him. Flame was waiting in the corridor outside.

"She's asleep," he said softly.

"Finally," she said, drawing him into her arms.

"Did you miss me?" he smiled.

"You're mine," she said determinedly, "I don't like sharing."

"Meanie. Don't you trust me?"

She grimaced, holding him closer. "It's her I don't trust. I worry that you'll be too polite to stop her. Like Blackheath."

"What??" he asked, grinning in incredulousness, pulling her away so he could see her face. She told him about Giulia. He was quiet for a long time, thinking.

"I'm not going to be too polite," he assured her finally, very seriously. But she only a little comforted; he had not said that he would never cheat on her.


	12. Chapter 11

**11.**

The pale yellow light reflecting softly off the wall told her it was morning. She had been dreaming – dreaming of Maddy. Maddy had been sitting on the rocks at the lookout, the deep dry greens of the forest rolling into a hazy blue towards the horizon. But Maddy hadn't been staring at the view. She was staring at Jai. Accusingly. Her eye was ringed with bruise, her cheek was puffy, but Jai hadn't done that. It had woken her, this dream, because it was part memory, only the memory had gone wrong.

In the memory, Jai had taken Maddy to the lookout, after a particularly bad session with Chet. Maddy had just sat there, staring at nothing, very quiet, while Jai chattered about this and that. Never, of course, anything to do with Chet. And eventually Maddy had started to look at the world again and even reply sometimes, and when she even managed a small smile at a joke, Jai knew she was going to be alright.

It was different in the dream. Maddy stared right at her. Why was she staring at her like that? Because she'd killed Chet? Because she hadn't done it earlier? Because she'd yelled at Bhask? The questions disturbed her, and though she'd woken to escape from it, they trailed after her.

Before Jai admitted to being awake, she fingered her ribs, her belly, her arms in quiet amazement, feeling for the tender spots that should by rights be everywhere. There was nothing but fading bruises to say it had ever happened. How long had she been out of it? It was the first time she'd been healed from major injuries with Soul medicines, and didn't know what to think. The healing process for her marked out the period of time to mentally come to grips with things too. Here, there was no time for that: she felt she was expected to bounce back mentally just as quick. Only she wasn't bouncing. She was sinking fast.

Finally she turned over to see who her gaoler was today. Bhask. Great. But he wasn't chatty today.

"Why are you keeping me?" she asked him eventually.

"We have to keep you til the hearing," he replied. His answer didn't make sense to her, it didn't answer her question. It was like living in a lunatic asylum; nothing made sense.

"I just want to go home. Why can't I stay with Jackson?"

"He's not at home-"

"I know, I just-" she sank her head into her palms.

A soft knock at the door, and Flame came in, carrying a tray. Toast and tea.

"I brought you some breakfast," she said, "I didn't know what cereal you ate…?"

Jai didn't reply. She had seen the cereal aisle in the supermarket, the rows and rows of brightly coloured boxes, and kept walking. She didn't know what cereal she ate either. Flame left her with it, and she ate listlessly, feeling Bhask's eyes on her, remembering Maddy's eyes. She couldn't ignore him, ignore his need to understand about Maddy. She would try one more time. For Maddy's sake.

"She thought you were dead you know. In the war. Your leg... she said you made it worse, trying to help her. She didn't think you'd survive it."

Bhask stared grimly at where the carpet met the wall. "I wouldn't have, I guess, if Alex hadn't gotten me to the Healers."

Jai watched him for a moment, trying to think of how to get him to understand. "Living with Chet, it was living death. You were just dead inside, and waiting for your body to follow. But when she found out you were alive, it made her hope, you know? That you could come back from the dead. That maybe she could. But Chet would never let her go."

"You make him sound… all powerful;. Like God."

"He was. And he had her soul. She tried to get away, but he kept after her. She didn't give up on you, she gave up on herself. She was dead already. She couldn't save herself. But she could save you."

Jai went quiet for a moment, opening and closing the relevant boxes inside her head, letting the pain wash through and out. "The best you could hope was that he would lose interest in you. He was never that interested in me. But Maddy, she was perfect for him. He was all about hurting and control and she was all about healing and freedom. He would never let her go. He owned her."

"Does he own you?" Bhask asked quietly.

Jai stared hard at the blanket, hugging her knees. "Jackson… I wanted him to own me now. But he's too gentle, too soft. He couldn't protect us, he doesn't know how to keep us safe. So I had to." Only now, Jackson was at the Healing Centre, and she would be charged with murder. She fingered the burn where Chet had drawn the liquid nitrogen cooled wire across her am.

_Burnt or frozen, Jai_? Chet's voice circled inside her head, _Burnt or frozen_?

A knock at the door and Dorsey came in, taking the chopsticks out of her hair so it flowed around her face, then trying to put it up again more neatly.

"Flame wants to know if you want anything more to eat," she said, ignoring the terror freezing Jai's face. Bhask saw it though, and tensed, watching her carefully. Dorsey gave up on her hair and reached for the tray.

"Dorsey, no!" Bhask shouted, grabbing her to try and pull her away, but Jai had already struck, snatching the chopsticks from her hands and stabbing at her with them, missing Dorsey and forcing the pointed ends deep into Bhask's arm where it encircled her. Before he could react, Jai had taken the mug and smashed it into the window, shattering the glass.

"Dorsey, grab her!" Bhask shouted, and when Flame and Alex ran in, Dorsey was sitting on Jai in the middle of the floor, and the only thing keeping her there was the shard of glass she held to her throat. Bhask paced back and forth groaning and holding onto his arm.

"What the fuck happened?' Alex said quietly, taking Jai's wrists and twisting them gently but firmly behind her back, hauling her to her feet.

"Tie her up!" Bhask hissed.

"We're not going to tie her up." Flame said, trying for firm, but anxiety was stringing out her voice. Her eyes were snapping from the cuts on Jai's legs where she had fallen on the window sill when Dorsey grabbed her, to the shiny black chopsticks sticking out of Bhask's arm. Alex carried Jai into the bathroom and sat her in the bath, holding her wrists with one hand while the other fumbled through the drawers for the No Pain.

"She's a frikkin psycho!" Bhask insisted.

"She was just trying to get away from me," Dorsey said.

"She didn't mean it," Flame went on, catching the No Pain as Alex threw it to her and giving Bhask a dose.

"Sure seemed like she meant it at the time," Bhask muttered.

"You know what I mean. She didn't mean to hurt you."

"No, she meant to kill Dorsey, does that make it better?"

"Bhask, she's right. If she wanted to kill me I'd be dead," Dorsey noted, "She was trying to get away." The three of them gazed at the sticks in his arm, hesitating.

"Do you want to go to the clinic or do you want to do this here?" Dorsey asked eventually, glancing at Flame uneasily.

"Just get it over with," Bhask mumbled, looking away. Flame got the Inside Clean and Heal ready and Dorsey tried to get a good grip on a stick, wiping it dry of the slip of Bhask's blood. Between them, he was fixed in no time, and Flame went to check on Jai and Alex in the bathroom.

"She's still got glass in there," Alex muttered, probing the cuts on her legs. Jai stared at them, wide eyed with fear, waiting for her punishment. Alex had given her No Pain, which she was grateful for, but at the same time it worried her. Maybe they were going to cut off her leg... she seen someone have their arm cut off once. She couldn't remember if it had been a punishment or a treatment. She thought desperately hard, for some reason finding it very important that she remembered.

"She should go to the clinic," Flame whispered, looking at the deep cuts, the blood oozing from them and pooling in the centre of the bath, her eyes losing hope.

"We can do this," Alex said grimly, shifting his grip on Jai's wrists. Flame looked at him for a long while, then nodded.

"We're going to need more Heal," she said quietly, tearing the towels into strips.

"And the pliers," Alex added. "Dorsey?"

"I'm on it," Dorsey replied.

"Try Margie's first, hey?" Flame called after her, wiping a strand of hair from Jai's face.

"She's losing too much blood," Bhask said, watching from the doorway. Flame tightened the strips of towel encircling each of Jai's thighs and pulling her legs up higher.

"You'll be alright, honey," Flame said softly, "It looks worse than it is." But Jai was starting to shiver. "Bhask? Can you fill me some hot water bottles?"

Bhask scowled but went to do as he was told, and Jai clutched the ridged rubber to her chest like a life buoy. She'd given up trying to understand. Let them do their worst. There was nothing she could do about it anyway.

"Margie's coming right over," Dorsey said, coming back with the pliers, and leaving Alex and Flame to get to work pulling shards of glass out of Jai's legs, cleaning them, and Healing them free of any residual splinters. Jai lay passively, eyes closed, the nudge and tug of the pliers, the rip and suck of the glass coming out making her stomach twist, but not feeling any pain. Margie soon joined them, handing over her supplies of Heal.

"Hey, little Nut, you still with us?" Margie murmured, putting the back of her hand on Jai's cheek. Jai nodded once, keeping her eyes tight shut, trying to pretend she was somewhere else entirely.

"The glazier's coming and he's going to bring a steel mesh screen to cover the new pane," Dorsey said, poking her head into the bathroom and watching them work, fascinated, as plink after plink counted off the bits of glass exiting her legs and dropping into the bin.

"What do you want a screen for?" Bhask asked, looking suspiciously from Alex to Flame, "She's not staying here. She needs to be with the Comforters. She's nuts."

"No," Flame replied, opening another bottle of Heal, "They'll drug her and keep her in restraints. That's not going to look good at the hearing." Jai's eyes opened automatically, and stared fixedly at the ceiling.

"Mum, she needs restraints, she's nuts!" Bhask looked to Alex for support, but Alex could see the fear in Jai's eyes. He knew Flame was already under pressure to relinquish Jai to the care of the Comforters. He also knew it would be the last thing she would do.

"I've called Beebe," Flame said quietly. "He's going to come over and do a report for us. Say she'd do better with home care. Hopefully, anyway, though after today..." she sighed, stretched her back, and wiped the last traces of blood from Jai's legs, "There. Good as new."

Jai looked at her legs. Her forehead crumpled in confusion. They had healed her. They really had. There were heal scars, but only for what she had done on the window sill. They hadn't cut her, they hadn't done anything else. It didn't make sense. She had attacked Dorsey, hurt Bhask; they wouldn't just let her get away with it. But her healed legs stretched out in front of her like proof.

"Alright, everybody out; shower time," Flame said, washing her hands, "Dorsey, we need lunch. Yash, can you find Nut some new clothes?"

-

"How're you doing?" Beebe asked.

"Fine," Jai said. She was warm and dry and fed and seriously confused. The glazier was at work in her cell so Alex had her on the couch in the lounge, holding her wrists gently. She wished they would leave her alone so she could figure things out properly. But at the same time Alex's presence was wonderfully solid, like Jackson's, and she couldn't stop herself from finding comfort in it.

"See; someone says that with tears running down their face, makes me wonder a little," Beebe replied.

Jai shrugged, trying to sniff away her tears. "What do you want me to say?"

"Jai, Beebe's trying to help," Alex murmured, "If you don't help him, we'll have to give you up to the Comforters."

Jai shivered, but otherwise showed no signs of relenting. "I don't know what he wants."

"Tell him what happened this morning," Flame prompted.

Jai leaned back into Alex, staring disconsolately at nothing. She did not want to be put in restraints. She did not want to go to the Comforters. But this was a Soul. If she admitted she had attacked someone she was as good as frozen. "I broke a window."

Beebe waited, then glanced at Flame. She threw her hands up and left.

"You saved Jackson's life the other day, you know," Beebe said, "we're all pretty thankful about that."

"You know Jackson?" she looked at him like she'd been touched by electricity, meeting his eyes directly for the time, alive, and hopeful.

"Of course. We work together. You don't remember? I…" but then Beebe thought twice about reminding her that he was the one that had arrested Jackson. Besides, Souls probably all looked the same to her anyway.

"Have you seen him? Is he ok? Can I see him?"

Beebe and Alex exchanged looks.

"I'm sorry, you can't see him yet."

_Doesn't he want to see me? _Jai wondered, shutting her eyes against the possibility, but thinking it anyway, _He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to live with a murderer…_

"I want to go home," she whispered. _You haven't got a home now_… She turned her face into his chest to hide her tears, and Alex released her wrists slowly and wrapped his arms around her, exchanging a glance with Beebe.

-

"Well, she's certainly more communicative than when she was at the Healing Centre. That's progress," Beebe reported to Flame, "So I can say a home environment has helped her. And she seems to have formed some sort of bond with Alex…"

"Ugh, tell me about it. He's my bloody husband, and he's with her all the time," Flame muttered. "Sorry, I know I'm being unfair."

"Anyway. I think we can keep her here til the hearing. I'll leave you with some sedatives –transcutaneous, in case she freaks out again."

Flame nodded, taking the syringes glumly, "Do you want regular visits or…?"

"I don't think I'm going to do much good for her. I'll look around for a human comforter, see if she responds better, but… what she really needs is Jackson. You can see how she lights up at his name."

"Yeah, well. No guarantees there, are there?"

"I'm sorry Flame."

"Thanks Beebe. At least we can do our best by her. Jackson would have wanted that."

"Don't give up hope, ok? He's one tough bastard."


	13. Chapter 12

**12.**

Alex sat with Jai mostly after that. She was quieter with him, calmer. She seemed to accept that he wouldn't hurt her, that he would keep her safe from the others. He sat in the gaoler's chair and read, leaving her free to sit on her bed and remember.

Jai was remembering living in Sydney, before they had left to track down Blackheath. Jackson had come home from work and Jai had shadowed him closely while he got out of his work clothes and set the coffee machine for his late afternoon hit.

"What," he said finally, once the precious mug was in his hands and the first sip had obliterated the chaos of the work day from his thoughts.

"We're going for a walk," she replied, grinning, pulling him towards the door.

"A walk," he said warily, draining the last of the fragrant cup.

"Yeah, you know, exercise?"

"Feeling a bit cooped up are we? I thought we were getting plenty of exercise…"

She chuckled and pulled him onwards. But her carefree smile faded a little at every Soul they passed on the sidewalk.

"My god, there's so many of them," she whispered finally, pausing. The immensity of the invasion was being brought home to her, really for the first time. Souls were everywhere, and humans frighteningly few.

"Let's go this way," he said, leading her down a track into the bush. It was an access point to the National Park, the hanging leaves and tortured branches quickly screening them from the suburban bustle, and she felt instantly more at home.

The trail wound across the heath then steeply down into a river valley. Jai had followed the track upstream for an hour before Jackson stopped her.

"We heading for the hills or something here?" he asked, leaning on a tree, baring the sweat marks under his arms, "Only I didn't bring a backpack or anything…" Jai had been so used to just walking and walking every day that she'd forgotten it was different here. He crawled out onto a log fallen across the creek and patted beside him. She stepped lightly across and sat, leaning against him happily. They watched the water flow til the sun started to creep out of the valley, then headed for home.

At the top of the steepest section of the climb back, where the greener riverine plants gave way to the dry heath, Jackson paused, taking off his shirt and wiped his forehead with it, panting in the afternoon heat. Her fingers found his shoulder, tracing the faint scar where she had stabbed him. Jackson hadn't punished her for it – he'd saved her from cold storage if anything. But he had reason to forgive her. She was useful to him.

"When are you going to punish me?" Jai asked Alex suddenly.

"We're not going to punish you," he replied wearily.

"Why not?

He sighed. "It was an accident."

"Why are you keeping me?" Jai knew she was good for two things – sex and death. They didn't seem to want either.

"Jai…" Alex sighed. But Jai was in Jai-land. They could not make her understand.

"I just sit here all day, I'm not even useful, I'm not even doing anything for you…" she looked at him again. Maybe she had been reading it wrong. Maybe he did want something from her.

As they watched the movie that night, Jai was thinking it must very boring being married to a Soul. She could see why he had done it – it gave him an assured place in society here. But she could understand him wanting something more. Something human. To her, Flame and Dorsey looked like two Siamese cats on the couch opposite – that same, slightly evil look. Maybe he did want something from her after all.

Jai turned away from them, pretending to sleep, sliding her hands under Alex's shirt, laying them flat on his bare chest. He made no move to distance himself from her, and she smiled; this was what he wanted. And sure enough, after a few minutes, he picked her up gently and carried her to her cell, as if putting her to bed.

He lay her down on the bed, pulling the blankets back, then rested his fingers on her leg, tracing where the Heal had closed the glass cuts. She opened her eyes, noting the sadness in his. She knew it was a longing for a human touch. But she hesitated; his touch reminded her so much of Jackson tracing his fingers on her thighs. She took Alex's hand off her legs, holding it between hers, and with an effort she shut Jackson into a box for later. He could not help her now.

"Do they hurt?" Alex asked, his voice so gentle, seeing the pain in her face.

"No," she whispered. But a tear squeezed out anyway. Jackson had popped the lid off his box and was looking at her. She forced him away and managed a smile for Alex. She could do this. She had done this so many times. He leaned towards her, and she recognized the movement. She had seen him do it often with Yash; kiss her forehead. Jai shifted herself up so his kiss would land on her lips, but Alex grabbed her shoulders and forced her down.

"What are you doing?" he said, voice rigid, almost angry.

"I'm sorry," she said immediately. Alright, lips were out. She could work with that. She put her hand to his face apologetically, smoothing his short beard. Jackson didn't have a beard, but he had stubble from time to time, when a case got intense… _Jai_! She scolded herself, _focus_!

Alex was very still beneath her hand, his eyes still angry, suspicious, and to make amends she slid her free hand between his thighs. His response was immediate, grabbing her bodily and throwing her to the wall, away from him.

"Back Off!" he snarled, fury burning from his eyes, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She sat back in consternation, tears of frustration threatening.

"I don't understand!" she cried. Did he want her to just lie there? But he wasn't coming anywhere near her now. "Is it some kind of test? I give up! I just don't get it! What do you want with me?"

But Alex just shook his head, too furious to speak. There was a tentative knock on the door and Alex opened it immediately.

"Everything alright?" Flame asked, her eyes searching theirs nervously. He ran his hands through his hair, keeping his distance from everyone.

"Fine," he said eventually, pulling her outside and locking the door behind them.

-

After a while, Jai lay back down, her fingers tracing the healing scars on her legs, letting Jackson wander freely through her thoughts to calm herself. She ran over everything she knew, searching for the logic beneath. They wouldn't let her go, they wouldn't let her do anything, but they were keeping her healthy. Trying to convince her not to want to go. They wanted to keep her til the hearing…

Then she understood.

They would make sure she made it to the hearing. That was what mattered to them. They would make sure she was found guilty. They would make sure she couldn't escape her fate. _Burnt or frozen, baby_? Chet's voice pestered her, sounding pleased, _Burnt or frozen?_

Jai had been here before. She didn't want to be frozen. If there was no other choice, she would prefer to be dead. But there was nothing to use as a weapon here, not even a scrap of glass from the window had escaped their attention. She didn't know what else to do.


	14. Chapter 13

**13.**

Flame stared out the window, seeing nothing. Jai was getting worse. Not even Alex could get a response out of her now. Despite pleading and threats, she refused food and water, and they were on the point of having to get the nurse back to put in a drip.

Alex came and sat on the bench top next to her, and waited.

"She needs to see Jackson," Flame said eventually, glancing at him, "She'll believe him. I'm going to talk to the Healers. They could wake him up before the next surgery.

"Isn't it better he has the surgery first? They've got in a coma for a reason; you wake him up, he'll be in a lot of pain-"

"Alex, there's no guarantee he's going to make it. She needs to see him now."

-

Flame waited anxiously by the side of Jackson's bed, glancing compulsively at the clock. It was almost time for him to go into surgery, and he still hadn't woken up. They were running out of time… But then, finally, the muscles in his face contracted in discomfort, and he opened his eyes.

"Bright eyes…,"he whispered, recognizing her with half a smile, voice hoarse, "what's a girl like you doing in a place like this."

"Trust me, I would be anywhere near here if it weren't for you," she muttered. Jackson's half smile was twisted into a grimace as more of the anaesthetic wore off. "You're due in surgery in a second. How's the pain."

"Fine," he said grimly.

"Really," Flame said under her breath, eyebrows raised.

"Where's Nut," Jackson asked, his face guarded, closed.

"She's in the waiting room."

"She's alright," Jackson said, relief flooding his voice.

"The Healers patched her up. She's staying with us til the hearing."

"What hearing?"

"She attacked Chet. Only reason you're still breathing."

"Jesus," he whispered, going to rub his eyes but the iv line holding his arm back.

"Problem is, we're having a bit of difficulty keeping her," Flame explained, disentangling the line and letting his arm free, "She saw Dorsey."

"Ah," Jackson said, understanding only too clearly the potential for conflict there.

"You need to make her believe she'll be ok with us."

"It's not true though is it," Jackson replied softly, "If she ran, no one could touch her…"

"Jackson!"

"I can't believe it's going to a hearing… "

"We'll get her off." Flame tried to say it confidently, and Jackson was too distracted by his injuries to notice the false note in her voice. "Self defence. Everyone thinks she should get a medal."

"Alright," Jackson relented wearily under her gaze, "I'll do what I can."

Flame hurried to bring Jai from the waiting area, Alex hovering like a shadow behind her, only letting go of her wrists once they were in the room, then standing rigid in the doorway.

"Hey, Nutty," Jackson said softly, reaching a hand to her. Jai ran to him, scrambling onto the bed, pressing herself alongside him as if the closer she got to him, the closer she could stay. Jackson winced at the movement, then let his arms fall around her shoulders. _He does want me_, she thought: she could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice, feel it in his touch. All she wanted was to stay with him forever.

"Please don't let them take me away," she murmured into his chest, crying.

"Nutty…" Jackson whispered, stroking her head, ignoring the pain, "You can't stay here."

"No…please…" she whimpered.

"Nutty, Flame will look after you. You know she will."

"You don't understand…"

A Healer came to the door, and Alex shifted fractionally. Jackson glanced at him, and knew their time was up.

"Nutty please, just stay with her. Ok baby?"

"He's needed in surgery now," the Healer said.

"Promise me Nutty," Jackson pressed, "Ok?"

"Ok," she whispered finally, and Jackson let them take him away.

Jai stood in the empty room, staring in the direction she had last seen him. "Is he going to make it? He is going to make it, isn't he? I mean he was awake, and…" she looked from Flame to Alex, back and forth, then fell to her knees.

-

"Nut?" Flame asked, knocking on the home cell door as she opened it, "You've got a visitor." Sarah came in and sat gingerly on the foot of the bed.

"Sarah," she said, holding out a hand to Jai. "You probably don't remember me. I came with Munro."

But Jai was nodding, pulling herself up so she was sitting. "Chet's brother," she said. This was someone from her world. At least, she had been for a little while. There was the possibility she was sane.

"Yes," Sarah replied. There was an instant understanding between them about Chet. "You, um…"

"Yes," Jai replied, no emotion in her voice.

"Good," Sarah said vehemently, "I wish I could have done it."

"A lot of people did."

"He killed Munro," Sarah said, clenching her jaw against tears, "His own brother… I thought we'd finally gotten away from him."

"You can never escape Chet."

"No. Munro couldn't," Sarah agreed, her eyes flashing their grief, "But, you did."

"He's still in my head. I can't get him out." _I'll never escape him, _Jai thought, wishing desperately to be with Jackson again. Jackson could make him go away. Jackson could save her from the Souls.

But Jackson could not save her from Blackheath. Not even here, half a world away. It was up to Jai to resolve that one.

"Why is there a lock on the door," Sarah asked.

"House arrest," Jai said quietly, "I'm not allowed to leave. I tried, so…"

Sarah was astounded. "Because of…? But Chet was… evil…"

"I know."

Sarah stared at her, angry at the injustice of it. Jai stared back thoughtfully, appraising her. She wasn't that much younger than Jai, but she seemed to appreciate what was what.

"Can you help me get out of here?"

-

"Jai's gone," Flame said, running to the front door.

"Fuck," Alex said, then grabbed the car keys, "Yash, go to George's ok? We're going out."

Dorsey went to join them.

"No, stay here," Flame told her, "In case she comes back here."

"You're serious?" Dorsey asked in disbelief, "Here?" But Flame kept her gaze unwavering. "Fine, fine," Dorsey muttered, flopping back onto the couch.

-

Dorsey started at the sound of the doorbell. She didn't realize they had a doorbell. Then she got up and opened the door. Jai.

She was handing her a CD, and Dorsey hesitated, staring, wandering if she should try and grab her, ask her in…

"It's the Seeker database," Jai said, "Interseek too. Everything they have on Blackheath." Dorsey stared at the CD again, gobsmacked. She would never ask Flame for this. She knew what a betrayal it was for Jai to steal this information from Jackson's screen.

But she knew Jai needed her to accept this, she needed to atone for ratting on him. Dorsey knew Jai would never understand that she was capable of forgiveness, or that Jai was the reason that Blackheath had got free. So she took the CD.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Dorsey said, fingering the precious plastic case like the treasure it was, and throwing her a smile, "You're one of Blackheath's now."

Jai didn't seem to appreciate the joke. But she seemed to understand that Dorsey would not harm her. And she had run off down the street before Dorsey had thought to grab her. _Well, let her run around for a bit_, Dorsey thought,_ what can it hurt. Poor kid needs the exercise_. But she had eyes for nothing but the CD, and walked straight for the nearest screen. She searched the folders, reading everything, then reading it again. The she sat back and smiled. _The Soul had told them nothing_, she thought smugly.

-

Jackson lay in the hospital bed, drip lines feeding him drugs to keep him asleep while the Healers coaxed his body to heal, what was left of his organs to function. Jai sat on the bed next to him, her legs stretched out beside his, and watched him sleep for a moment. Then she turned her attention to his drip. Jai knew how to get a needle into a vein. She'd lifted a second drip line from the Healing Centre's equipment store, and attached it to Jackson's line, doubled the flow rate, inserted it into her own vein and taped it in. Then she lay down beside him, took him in her arms, and closed her eyes. She would wake up when he did.

What she hadn't thought about though, was that the dose rate to keep a man of Jackson's size asleep was more than enough to keep her asleep. It was enough to kill her. Within seconds, she was asleep, then comatose, and then her breathing had stopped.

But she also hadn't realized the drip infusion pump was programmed to calculate the dose administered, and to ring an alarm when safe doses were exceeded. Within minutes, Healers were swarming round them, pulling out her drip, starting artificial respiration, checking for brain function. Her pupils were fixed and dilated, but her heart was beating still. It was enough.

-

"Well?" Dorsey asked, as Flame got off the phone.

"They're keeping her in the Healing Centre til the hearing."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"That journalist that did the corruption story on Jackson? He was there. Wants to do a piece on Jai."

"Oh dear."

"Melts Blue Ice thinks it could help, with the right sort of… spin."

"Jai's getting a PR guy?" Dorsey exclaimed, "How do you PR her? She's not only human, she's zone, and she's an assassin! And she's not even pretty!"

"Well…," Bhask said, sounding like he didn't entirely agree, "so she's not a patch on Maddy or you…" then he backed down under Dorsey's look ,"you're just jealous you don't have your own PR guy."

"Can you imagine?" Dorsey grinned, "Hi, I'm Dorsey, and this is my husband Blackheath…," she indicated Bhask beside her who instantly crossed his arms, slumped, and scowled at the imaginary camera.

"and my daughter Ally," Dorsey went on, chuckling.

"Fuck off!" Bhask said in an imitation Ally voice, pretending to storm out, and Dorsey was in gales of laughter.

"Fruit loops," Alex murmured, shaking his head and waking away.

"Oh, I miss them, I really do," Dorsey sighed, her smile saddening. Bhask squeezed her hand.

-

The journalist spun a heartwrenching story, waxing lyrical about Jackson's framing for Munro and the Healer's murder, Chet keeping Jai prisoner, Jackson trying to save her, and Jai attacking Chet to save him, and now being put on trial for it, crowning it with a touching photo of Jai lying beside Jackson's unconscious body in the hospital bed.

"What a croc of shit," Dorsey said, chewing on a celery stick.

"They didn't mention her attacking Dorsey and stabbing me," Bhask muttered.

"It'll get her off though," Dorsey replied, "See if it won't."

"Look, the hearing's going to be televised!"

Dorsey glanced at Bhask and rolled her eyes. But they all watched it anyway, of course. And there was poor, inoffensive little Jai, big tough Seekers leading her around like personal bodyguards rather than the jailers they were, their faces all touched with sadness at the injustice of it.

"He said there wasn't a place for me here," Jai explained softly in her testimony, head lowered, cameras flashing, and even Dorsey almost felt sorry for her, "I came from the zone? I wanted to start a new life. I just wanted to be with Jackson. Chet, he was hurting him… he was going to kill him. I couldn't let him. I, I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident. He said they'd freeze me anyway. I, I just hope he's wrong."

"Oh, I think I'm going to be sick," Dorsey muttered. "They're really going to believe that, aren't they? This place is frikkin crazy. I'm going home. What do you reckon, Bhask?"

"Right on, sista."

-

Dorsey was right. Even without Jackson's evidence, Jai was set free. Jackson was undergoing his last surgery when the hearing was concluded. If he got through it without complications, the Healers were confident he would make a full recovery.

Jai was discharged that afternoon, but didn't leave the Healing Centre. She went straight to Jackson's room and settled in to wait. She wasn't interested in anything outside of that room. She was waiting by his side when he woke up and flew into his arms and held him tight. When Jackson could trust himself to speak, he murmured "Were you a good girl for Flame?"

"No," she chuckled, pressing her cheek harder into him.

"Did Bhask annoy you?" he asked, rubbing her back.

"I stabbed him."

"That's my girl," he murmured, smiling.


End file.
